New Year Solutions

A letter to the FT from a colleague engages in the debate which I have mentioned before.

Faisel and the team at Fair Finance have done some great work. Have a look at the maps which claim what they have delivered. A nice bit of transparency that the big fellows could emulate, but of course they won’t.

It would be interesting to extend the argument about affordable lending to the realm of home finance. How much of the current ‘turbulence’ is due to greed in institutions and irresponsible lending to the subprime housing market in the US and elsewhere? Those with 20/20 hindsight consider it substantial.

There are some good ideas, in embryo, out there, see Subprime Solutions by Robert Shiller and Will Hutton’s development of this based on the Crosby Report.

We need to positively build a system of housing provision and housing finance that underpins and supports the general economy.

I can remember being inspired by the construction of an espigon at the mouth of the river in San Sebastian. Its purpose was to protect the beach from being washed away. The initial stages consisted of very large vehicles bringing rocks the size of a small house to the beach where a gigantic crane would lift them and swing them out to sea and just drop them. The corps of observadores, myself included, would let out a huge cheer at this, great fun to watch. The idea, of course, was to build a substantial, immovable, barrier to the floods of the river and the overwhelming power of the Atlantic in the Bay of Biscay.

We need to do the same with our financial systems and we could start with the systems of housing finance.

So, answers on a postcard please to G. Broon Esq. PM

Let’s have some New Year solutions.
Leave the resolutions to the Amalgamated Society of Witterers, Fritterers and Merchant Bankers!

The egregious idiot

I suppose it was that word egregious.
Andrew Brown has an article about Ratzo Ratzinger on the Cement is Free website. Old Ratzo has been bothering himself about a number of things including trees and homosexuality. Thank god he has not been hugging them or talking to them. The trees, that is, well to the best of my knowledge.

Let me say at the outset that I have nothing against popes. Some of my best friends believe they are god's representatives on earth. Other male acquaintances that I have a great deal of affection for accoutre themselves in ankle length dresses and burqas. However, I have to say that I would not let my son marry one! A man in a burqa can have no style at all!

One of the minor sadnesses in my life, though I admit in some religions and countries it can be vicious and deadly, is that some deluded gobshite, usually in the name of his god, wants to stick his nose into sex and pronounce. There is little enough love, comfort and union between consenting adults in this world. We don't need yet another deluded man, who converses regularly with an invisible being, telling us what we may feel and do.

There. I feel a bit better now. Not egregious in the least.

It's never quite as simple as that!

Nice bit of provocative dressing from Ben Goldacre.

.....much awaited, we have possibly the finest all-purpose political t-shirt slogan ever conceived. Better still, they only reveal their true powers when you are standing next to someone who is also wearing a slogan t-shirt.

I look forward to suitably outrageous pickies of adjacent t-shirts.

I've thought a similar slogan associated with the phrase

I'm a string theorist. I can explain anything

is just biscuit as they say.

Trenchant in foot and mouth!

Tim Harford’s article in the FT Weekend Magazine (December 6 2008) about the battle for the soul of microfinance caught my eye.

It also produced this letter which was drawn to my attention.

The burden of the first part of this was that microfinance results in poverty

....in nearly 25 years of academic and consulting work in local economic development, my experience is that microfinance programmes most often spell the death of the local economy. Put simply, to the extent that local savings are intermediated through microfinance institutions, the more that country or region or locality will be left behind in a state of poverty and under-development. This is an “iron law of microfinance”.

Having some small knowledge of the business I was stirred into the repost:-

The trouble with iron laws, be they of the command economy or the market, is that they tend to crush the people who lack economic or political power.

I'm involved in microfinance because the market in this country and elsewhere refuses to service the sector fully and transparently. If the banks would lend responsibly to our customers I would be more than happy to put my feet up and read more books.

Sadly the law allows subprime lenders to charge outrageous interest. There is evidence, as the FT letter suggests, that the big boys are moving into this area and using the lack of regulation, control and transparency to generate even more profit.

Bangladesh, Mexico etc are poor countries for a complex of reasons and, truly, a dynamic economy is the fastest way to lift a substantial part of the population out of poverty, but it is naive in the extreme to suggest that it can all be simply resolved…

...through channelling much, if not most, of their savings into serious
growth-oriented sustainable business projects.

My (usual) response is that it is never quite as simple as that.

My views were described as trenchant
I made a note to myself to be less trenchant in future!

In the meantime, a happy time to all our readers.
I'm off, through the wonders of steam radio, to listen to some music from some place called Kings.

Midwinter Day

OK
Want to see some nice pickies here they are.
Want to hear some nice sounds, go buy the disk.
You can probably download it for free, whatever!

We are now mainly, apart from a bit of global warming, heading for the summer.
Yippee!

Could even be an xmas xword on the way.

Goodbye to the Shrub.

So farewell then Mr Brush. Keith's mum said that it wasn't very nice of them to throw shoes at you after all you have done for Iraqistan.

I suppose it is inevitable that we are disappointed in our politicians. Personally, I think one of the greatest put downs in Parliament was delivered by Jimmy Maxton to Ramsey Mac on the occasion of his " last meandering, incoherent speech" allegedly:-

"Sit down, man, you're a bloody tragedy."

Now, who is going to say that to Gordie as he maunders his way through the last days. Please god not the Beast of Balls Over.

A final thought. Dubya must be thanking his lucky stars that the Brits never instructed their Iraqistan partners how to play cricket and throw a wicket down at 30 paces!

Eloi Eloi Lama Sabacthani

It has been a long hard day!
The time before xmas and the new year is fraught, but when the fundies start in on the software!

Read this and weep ye daughters of Zion.

In the meantime I hope this gives you hope!

Black and white together, bitchin.

Low flying pig subsidy.

If you go to a nice little site called farmsubsidy.org and put Lufthansa into the sweet little search bar, specifying England as the location you wish to search, you get a web page that tells you, allegedly, how much farm subsidy in the form of payments to LSG LUFTHANSA SERVICE/SKYCHEFS/GCC LIMITED were made in the years 2003-04 and 2004-05.

It is set out as GBP £127 914 (€187 763).

Good gracious, I hear you say, have the Germans learned how to sow, and reap the fields of East Anglia from the sky? Do pigs fly now and are they housed in Heinkels and Messerschmidts that endlessly circle the fens? Does a Lufthansa airbus sneak into Stanstead and let a few herds of Holstein cattle out to graze the runway before extraordinary bovine rendition spirits them to a backstreet abattoir in Dusseldorf? Up to a point Lord Copper.

It is further alleged in my egovbulletin@headstar.com of the 09 December 2008 11:27 (see... for the story) that the airline is in receipt of substantial subsidies on the basis that each time a Lufthansa aircraft carrying in-flight meals travels beyond the borders of the EU, they technically become food exporters.

Doh!

Don't know why I picked on the poor old Germans. For you Fritz the subsidy is available as long as you get your towel on the cash machine first!

Other starvelings able to claim subsidy doubloons have included:-

Prince Albert of Monaco, Ted Turner, Congressman Marion Berry (D-AK), the Danish State Prison Service, Nestlé, the Duke of Westminster and Dutch Agriculture Minister Cees Veerman

See......., and we can rest assured that in this time of great financial hardship money will be spent wisely to pursue industry and economic benefit for us all!

The rich are always with us. Amen!

A bridge over untroubled waters.

From a recent amble.



It's the first one we have been on for a few months.

We are so lucky to have such visions of beauty in our back yards.

There have been birthdays and tea.

The mother in law and herself have birthdays very close together. This results in an irrational exuberance of birthday cakes, chocolate, and the odd bottle of Cava..1,3,5,7,9... etc. Oh, the old jokes are the best.
Herself is very partial to the New Internationalist One World Calendar, not being a quantum mechanic, string theorist or having any interest in the many universes theory! She usually gets one from me for xmas or birthday.
The pictures are always a joy and an affirmation of beauty and humanity. I would not be offering a product placement link if they weren't. However, especially in these straightened times, it seems a great shame that the images have only a month to inspire us. So in the spirit of recycling I added a purpose made frame with easy access to enable the best of the past years pictures to be displayed when I sent in my birthday order. (I heard you at the back, cheapskate indeed! I'll have you know I am a man that fears not to put his hand into his trouser pocket!)
The frame was used for the first time last night. A fine picture of a camel being given a drink from a blue tea pot. A real cracker!

I don't know if camels drink tea? Why not. More people should drink tea, lashings of tea. There would be less trouble in the world if we all sat down a bit more and shared a pot of tea with each other! Mind you, world peace and justice would help of course and the eradication of poverty and most diseases! Still in the meantime, share a pot of tea with some one, possibly even a camel.

A Trailer Park Near You

Many of our readers may not be interested in this link.
Nicholas Carr can be a bit techie but he is thoughtful. I found myself the subject of envy, the blog that can get white trash computing, wife beaters, 30-packs of Busch Lite and a sweet little video from Monstersoft certainly has one with everything.

Anyway, read what you want and get to the video. Now tell me, are you fascinated by this, scared by this or just in awe of the little trucks going about the world 'doin well by doin good'?

Seems to me there are whole bits of the planet that they don't get the little trucks to go to.
Maybe that's a good thing.

Vital statistics.

Well, the lads and lassies at CERN have their work cut out with the puncture repair outfits still.
They may even require a few new patches and the rubber solution has been kicking around for some time. If you have completed the puzzle at 42 and are looking for a bit of intellectual excitement I can recommend a rethink of the way of looking at the properties of particles.

Read it here.

If you can't be arsed here is my take on it.

There a two different classes of particles that you can identify by whether they have integer spin (bosons) or half integer spins (fermions). They also have certain vital statistics which derive from the wonderful wacky world of quantum physics.

The bosons were invented by a Mr Bose who then went on to make some doubloons knocking out overpriced, well dodgy, audio gear on a stall in Ridley Rd. market on a Saturday. The key property of these bosons is that they love to party, they are all over one another. The more of them you can squeeze into a space the happier they are, supercool you might say.

Now, your fermions are a different kettle of herring altogether; very sniffy about their personal space. They were invented by a certain Enrico Fermi, who started out as an opera singer, a tenor, at La Scala, Milan. However, after a good start he had to give up the day job and fell into the physics business. His particles were very particular. They would not use or occupy the same space as any other fermion, they had to have their own. Electrons would go off into orbital at the mere wave from another. Things got so bad Enrico had to call in the Principal Pauli to knock a few heads together, all to no avail. Well, what do you expect from a man with a first name like Wolfgang who is tone deaf. The nearest they could get to a compromise was to establish an exclusion zone to give us all a bit of peace and quiet.

Very interesting; but what has that got to do with the price of fish you say?

Well these fermions give solidity to the world. So the next time you stub your toe as you go out to the bathroom in the middle of the night you can blame those toffee-nosed, very exclusive fermions. Snobs!

Living with an English teacher.

One of the pleasures of (semi) retirement is that breakfast is seldom fraught and time can be spent in reading, sharing crosswords, and generally entering the day on an even keel. At breakfast recently I was dragged from contemplation of my Futoshiki by a question.

What is the opposite of decorous?

Scruffy.

I replied hoping to slip back unnoticed into the logical simplicity of more than or less than of my puzzle. Fat chance, a gentle clearing of the throat produced a hesitant

Indecorus?
on my part.

Further interrogation and consultation of the written authorities produced a consensus that the word being sought for the solution of a crossword clue was the noun indecorum.

I've certainly never used it and given the vagaries of memory at my age have little recollection of it being used in my presence. I would have horse whipped any bounder who had done so sir!

Times hard even Santa gets the sack!

I'm sorry about this but you don't have to read it.

The Grauniad came up with a cracker of a headline:-

Lap lands Selfridges Santa with sack despite elf warning

The explanation:-

A Santa Claus was sacked after asking his visitors if they wanted to sit on his lap, despite warnings about his behaviour from his helper elf, it emerged today.

I know exactly how he feels I have often been let down by my own 'ealth.
Boom! Boom!

As for the Lap dancing; once those Sammi start to tango you are lost!
Boom! Boom!

OK I'll stop now.

Justice

So someone has been arrested.

Mr Green was arrested, held for nine hours and had his two homes and offices searched by police investigating alleged leaks from the Home Office.

Shock horror it's a Tory MP.
Ask yourself if it was a wee scrote accused, unjustly, of nickin papers from the boot of a car in a pub car park would anyone give a flying f***.
Exactly!

I would have him arrested just for having thin lips, a pale complexion and knowin how to spell Bullington or somefin like that.

But then, I'm a hate filled pinko!

The Godfather

There has been some discussion about prostitution in the press. The great sun in our hearts, our moral compass, Hattie Smith, the Home Secretary, said she is concerned about vulnerable women. She has proposed a number of measures to prevent the exploitation, trafficking and abuse of women and children. Good luck to her. I hope they work.

I do know that some prostitutes need a life with choices other than drugs, alcohol, etc. They need access to the wherewithal for economic independence, the opportunity to provide for their children and the chance to realise their full potential as human beings. Until then we will never know if they are prostitutes out of choice or necessity.

My first encounter with prostitution was when I was 10 years old or possibly less.
My mother, a fully paid up Taliban in the diocese of Salford and the parish of St Joeys, introduced me! Because of her Catholic faith she carried out works of Corporal Murphy that would make your eyes water. Newly released prisoners from Strangeways were provided with a meal and warm clothing. Neighbours were supported through illness and bereavement. Bums and noses were wiped and the path of righteousness pointed out to Messers All and Sundry. If that failed there was always tea, lashings of tea. I am convinced her good works were not just as a result of her religious faith. Her early life in the Gorbals, Belfast and the classic slum of Salford was very hard and she realised the value of community and mutual support.

I remember, after a period of tense negotiations between neighbours, the Parish Priest, and my mother, I was told I was off to church during the week at an unusual time. On our way we collected a woman and her baby. At the church some very tight smiles were exchanged and the babe duly baptised, christened and made a lifelong supporter of ManU. My mother was designated Godmother. Being the only male present apart from the priest, I was identified as the Godfather.
Even at that age and at that time I knew the woman was a prostitute. My mother believed the babe would stand a better chance in life if it was splashed and sponsored even if it was only by herself and her bemused son.

Some months later, after occasionally praying for my spiritual charge and not doing much else, I inquired how the child was.

Dead - the answer!

What's that your eating?

I dipped into the first chapter of "Everything but the squeal" by John Barlow courtesy of the NYT.

It is subtitled - Eating the whole hog in Northern Spain. The chapter starts with the importance of the pig. It describes a meal in a restaurant in Galicia, the food - cocido, rabas, lacon- and the atmosphere and the fact that it was shared with a wife, a fish-eating vegetarian who did not even eat chicken, and a small child asleep in a buggy.

It rang a bell.

In Cantabria, where herself taught English for some time, a favourite question to the children on a Monday morning was: What did you do over the weekend, kiddies?
The enquiry brought the usual replies; played with Carmen, Jose, Ramon, visted grandparents etc etc. One little chap could not find the words in English but gave a detailed description of the ritual of slaughtering the pig. It was that time of the year and in his grandparents' pueblo the pig made the usual generous sacrifice. If you don't think it is generous, you have never eaten cocido.

There are some pictures here.

Tripple bottom line.

I was given a snide Rolex as a joke gift and was suitably appreciative. The last time it was worn was when herself dressed as James Bond for an xmas party. The better part of valour prevents me from commenting further.

However, Rolex makes awards for enterprise. One of these caught my eye. Tim Bauer has a project which reduces the effect of two-stroke engine pollution, increases the efficiency/effectiveness of this universal power unit and introduces the use of microcredit.
I'm sure that some green high heid yin will castigate me for even suggesting that such a sticking plaster across the cancer on the face of capitalism could ever be contemplated.

Nobody said it would be easy.

A reflection on the road ahead for Mr O'Bama.
The perfidies of corporate America, specifically the chief executives of the petrol head industry, and the stress that is introduced into a democratic, open society by obscenities like Guantanamo are going to give your man a problem or two.

I know we have the solid, Presbyterian, dour, granite like figurehead of Gordie Broon, recently emerged from political rehab, to reassure us in these difficult times. I do not think we understand how difficult these times will become. Let's not forget how often the comforting, caledonian, tones of some politician have gulled us. There is a strong possibility that you, or someone you know will be perched in a handbasket moving rather swiftly in the proverbial direction, in the near future.

We never see those Black Swans until they are upon us.

It is never easy to right the effects of great evil, certainly the flagrant abuse of human rights. The humane resolution of the fate of the inmates of the concentration camp at Guantanamo will be an early measure of Mr O'Bama's presidency.

Thanks to John Naughton, again, for getting the old brain cells going on this chilly East Anglian morning. No snow yet, and herself is dissapointed, but I'm sure we will be making snowmen and pasting each other with snowballs before the days out.

Science & Technology. Buddy can you spare a $?

OK the party's over lets get real.
Priority number 92 on your agenda:- Science & Technology.
Joe?

Announce we are going to throw a few $s at the egg heads, over a period of time of course?

Fine!
Priority number 93:- Appointment of First Dog.
Any suggestions?

New Scientist has an article commenting on BHO's policy for science and technology.
This has the thumbs up from 61 of the Nobelist of them all.
Times are hard. It would be good to see money well spent.

In brief the priorities are, as they are listed in above link:-
-Restoring integrity to U.S. science policy;
-Doubling the federal investment in basic research over a 10 year period;
-Making a national commitment to science education and training;
-Encouraging American innovation to flourish;
-Addressing the “grand challenges” of the 21st century.

All good stuff - but solve a few problems too. Global warming, famine, preventable diseases, and a few more grand challenges that may face us this next year or four. I doubt that throwing money at basic research is going to produce solutions to major problems.

Take energy, for example. We know the basic science behind producing renewable, sustainable energy. Take your pick of solar, environmentally derived, or even nuclear fusion. We, or someone with a pointy head, has known the basic science for years. What we don't know is how to do it cheaply, effectively and then store the energy efficiently and spread it around without boiling the oceans. There is also the small matter of paying for it let alone the political implications of doing it.

So by all means give the man with the pointy head a few bucks to play with and good luck to him and his ilk. We've got big problems and there is certainly no big science fix, and there will be no big techy fix based on a big science fix. I hope I live long enough to be proved wrong.

Mr O'Bama goes to Washington.

Dateline 06.30 GMT West Suffolk.
The crowds are in the streets. Grown men are standing by their Massey Fergusons and weeping. Relief and joy spread over the faces of the people; the outward sign of a new dawn, a new day!

But wait, what is this I read on the interweb. Voter fraud, child abduction......I knew it was too good to last. How soon the golden dawn of victory lights the blood soaked field of slaughter!

Yes!

Thanks to John Naughton for the link. Go read it, be inspired over your early morning tea, then back to the real world and face up to all those noonday devils!

Very Interesting but Stupid?

A thought floated through my brain recently. As well as indicating my complete misunderstanding of the structure of capitalism it did enervate me, strangely, I need to lie down.

Last week the Fed cut interest rate to 1%. See

This week the Bank of England Monetary Policy Committee is expected by some to make a cut in interest rates of 1%. (Heavens to Betsy!) See

OK so what happens if an interest rate goes negative?

It means that if the rate is -5% and I borrow £1,000 and hang on to it for 1 year and then give it back to the bank I get £50 for my trouble.

I like the sound of this and the money would be much safer in my hands, honest.....

Debt Crunch

Karl Dayson has written a note for the Grauniad Joe Public Blog.
Households not banks the real victims of the credit crunch
October 29 2008

It likens the victims of the credit crunch, such as banks and other financial institutions, to train crashes. They have, quite rightly, exhaustive inquiries into causes and bring forth recommendations as to what can be done and how they can be avoided in the future. Individual and family problems of debt are considered as car crashes on the super highway of capitalism.
Scrape up the pavement pizza and move along now.

The rich are always with us.

I have had my differences with Polly Toynbee. I was once moved to write to the Grauniad to accuse her of stirring up apathy in the middle classes. She had penned an article containing a disparaging reference to community credit unions. Strangely, it was published. I have refrained from corresponding with national newspapers ever since, preferring to sit in a darkened room with a damp towel over my head. I now feel it is only right to give her and David Walker credit for a little book Unjust Rewards. Some very nice ideas and some very interesting results. I particularly liked the suggestion that, effectively, tax returns should become documents of public record.

I'll show you mine if you show me yours!

Social Entreprats.

I have felt for some time that a lot of fairly mediocre people make a fat living out of being, ostentatiously, Social Entrepreneurs. They do not do a good job, they often move with the money and their only skill is in browsing jobs from one grant scheme to the next before the moolah runs out. The poor, apparently, are always with us. The Social Entreprats are never far behind. I have sat, often cringing in disbelief, totting up the cost of delivering grants, advice, support, tea and sycophancy, monitoring, reviews, consultancy, reports and general factotemry to the poor and ne'er-do-wells. Of course, such persons and activity require a parallel universe of flunkys advising such characters. These are embedded in charities, representational structures and executives of central, local and European government. Just don't start me off on registration and regulation.

I have decided to name these characters Social Entreprats.

This week I sat marveling as one Social Entreprat shook his greying locks in disbelief that anyone should get his or her hands dirty doing anything positive apart from passing the policy recommendations up the food chain. No good could come of encouraging direct positive legal action against what you, or the person on the 38 bus, would reasonably regard as unfair terms and conditions of a loan. Always unwilling to suffer fools gladly I pointed out that similar action had brought the banks to heel, almost, over overdraft and account charges. The Social Entreprat retreated into the worsted greyness of his suit unwilling to challenge the wild eyed pinko! There was not a squeak from the blue serge, 500 sovs a skull, at my right hand representing the Government Office in our region and him wearing an MCC tie!The woman with the permatan looking slightly bilious in a slinky grey dress who had arrived in a beamer over an hour ago had uttered not one word but presumeably was looking forward to the final salary pension she would enjoy from the government agency that fed her.

Have you any room?

Have you any room in your heart or your house?
Helen Garner's book, The Spare Room, is a portrayal of life at the end, what we will do to hang on and what we do to those around us.
I liked the writing.

Always leave 'em laughing department:-

I was discussing the problem of books recently with someone who, manifestly, has too many.
I recounted the famous solution advanced by the detective Pepe Carvalho, see Murder in the Central Committee, by Manuel Vazquez Montalban. He burns books to keep himself warm and cheerful through the Barcelona winters.

Hmm... The bibliophile pondered;
Maybe what I need is a book burning stove.

Voodoo Computing

It's really strange how ideas have their time. Voodoo computing was the subject of an article by Charles Arthur on the Grauniad tech website.

This has come at the end of a little computing saga of my own. For some time emails from the secret government department that I represent, but could not name because then I would have to surcharge you, have been on the fritz. Attachments from some colleagues have disappeared! The lectrons were duly input to one computer and then whizzed by the miracle of lectricity and the GPO's equipment to my computer where they were found seriously lacking in the attachments department. Enquiries by me caused responses along the lines that the problem was - my end!
Quite so Lord Copper but my inadequacies in that regard, not unusual in a man of my age and social background, are nowt to do with the email thingies.
An expert opinion was sought and the voodoo view expressed that it was something to do with firewalls and virus protection. This might have a bearing on the case as I had recently had a flu jab. Still it did seem unlikley and I could see no good reason why. Rejecting voodoo computing for the wisom of crowds I entered

Where are my f.....g email attachments you thieving electronic bastard?"

into the gooble box and the answer came back as a first hit. Outlook or Outlook Express, made by Microsoft the well known purveyors of fine software, takes attachments to emails coded in HTML stuff and puts them into code which is not always recognised by us plain text Jimmys.

Hapily, we are properly attached and discretely visible once more.

Now, where did I put that flash drive with the details of the overseas investors. I'm sure I had it with me in the pub last night!

42

They have had a few problems.
While they get the bicycle repair kits out with the rubber patches and plug the leaks here is a crossword to take your mind off it!

1, 4, 5, 7, 10 and 23 are all 8s and are not defined further.
5, 23 may be seen in the 24, 1, 16 at 13

Across

8 Equal time commanding the French - elementary (8)

9 Spike immersed the Italian in frozen water – cold inside (6)

10 8 for weight (6)

11 Return o got (2,2,4)

12 Home untaxed – choice for transformer (9)

13 Accelerator use - some concerns (4)

15 Lucas has lost point and upset his Dublin darling (7)

17 24 sound the beginning of everything (3,4)

20 Student in his cups creates opening (4)

22 Hold to view of messy bib and curses (9)

25 Air riven badly living next to the Thames, say (8)

26 Modern city examination (6)

27 Venus is bovine provocation (3,3)

28 Bringing together organisation if feminine principle has force (8)

Down

1 See 24

2 Drunk mixing drinks with debts (8)

3 Can be viewed from craggy Ben Canals (9)

4 Turn on drug – wild 8 (7)

5 8 in his horse (5)

6 Member directs that system concerns basic emotion (6)

7 Nero, Celt – crazy 8 (8)

14 Fuel- workings lie soiled (6,3)

16 See 24

18 Rob’s tidy made fun for feathered friends (4,4)

19,21 Very successful physical idea true - quoth many roughly (7,6)

21 See 19

23 Sounds like Petty Officer’s 8 (6)

24,1,16 Rocking Elgar had roll on cider smashing 8s (5,6,8)

XWD8


Hints are available, modestly priced, via my profile email.

Never Never

A reference in the Guardian to Never Never by David Gaffney tickled my fancy. I have just finished it, courtesy of the Stakhanovites in Suffolk County Libraries. I thought it was going to do for debt, money lending and the North West what Christopher Brookmyre has done for Caledonian crime. Not quite as much mayhem or ingenuity, a bit more arty but some real gems.

The debt advisor who is up to his nostrils in debt, and because he knows how to work the system, about to borrow a whole lot more. He advises one of his clients to go bust after taking out credit for tens of thousands of pounds, which is split with the advisor, of course. The debt collector who is driven out of business because the debt advisor is so efficient at getting debt written down or written off. The ex-debt collector who pitches up at the debt advice centre because he is now pennyless.

The final ruse is to submit a fraudulent grant application for funds to build a new improved debt advice centre! There is the mandatory drugs, sex, rock and roll and violence.

A novel for our times and our greed.
Very disturbing for a non profit moneylender!

Should you need a fast fix of credit after reading the book or you find yourself strapped for the old doubloons in these terrible times then ABCUL News provided the following web address to make sure you get the best deal.

My suggestion would be, and it does not constitute advice in the meaning of the Act, find yourself a credit union and start saving hard!

Don McCain and Sancho Palin

It's one of those laughable, scary radio pictures.

McCain and Palin in the guise of the Don and Sancho wearily plodding across the wide open spaces of middle America passing deeper into paranoia, hate and bigotry.

Not mine, I have to admit. I'm not sure I want to thank John Naughton for that but it seems to have started something.

Worthy of Credit

Muhammad Yunus has had a creditworthy mention in these pages before. Not the best clerihew ever produced but it gives a flavour of the man.

I have been reading his book - Creating a World Without Poverty - A not inconsiderable ambition as John Major might have said had he ever shown any interest in the subject.

It has taken me a while to get into it but there are some real gems. I suspect they are much used and polished but one which seems apposite now is given on page 49:-

In the past, financial institutions always asked themselves,
"Are the poor credit-worthy?" and always answered no.......
I reversed the question: "Are the banks people-worthy?"

Well now, there is a question. Would you like to know the answer?
Would you like to know the answer before Gordy and Al make £450 billion and change of doubloons from our pockets available to them?

I certainly do not want to see people thrown out of their homes or jobs, small businesses closed down, I don't want to see queues of people outside banks, I don't want to see ATM machines flashing up messages to say:-

- Sorry chum no more doubloons, ever! Have you ever considered the advantages of a barter system?-

I hope they have secured said sum on the soft and squashy parts, the first born and sets of golf clubs of the merchants of debt. I hope they have the bottle to take action when the culture of corporate greed reasserts itself. Of course it could be that the man with the plan at that time will be Dave!

If banks are not people-worthy, what can we do to make them just a little bit more?
Yunus started his own bank, Grameen, and I am sure you could argue about lots that he has done and how it has been done but I think he has done something to attack systemic poverty.

Debtonate!

You may have noticed a few waves in the fabric of capitalism recently, or not!
I have passed a few opinions on it myself.
A nice new word, debtonate, sadly I did not think of it myself.
A reference, Anne Pettifor.
You may or may not agree.

O'Bama 08

So! A fine day on Sunday saw a trip to the coast at Orford.
High temperatures and a bit of sun tempted and how could I refuse.
However, I could not help but notice that your man, himself, a contender for the top job, advertising in Suffolk.

Well there may be a few expat votes about the Ness but I doubt they will make much difference in the old country.

Politics may be the art of the possible but I still think that the nut jobs from Arizona and Alaska are going to slip in on a tide of closet racism! Hey ho.

Going High!

After some days of planning we attempted to execute a walk with the village group. We were defeated by a torrential downpour.

I was reminded of The Ascent of Rum Doodle by W E Bowman which gave me and others much pleasure for a variety of reasons.

If you are in the mood it could reduce you to a helpless puddle.
Otherwise you could check out.

“The best laid schemes o' mice an' men
Gang aft agley”

As it were!

We're doomed I tell you doomed!

OK.
So there must be some unease about switching on the Large Hadron Collider come the 10th September.
Well take it from me, there is not much to worry about. I am a string theorist and able to explain everything. What is going to happen - they are turning on the physicists' equivalent of the xmas lights.
Flip the switch and groan. We should have replaced those bulbs last year.
Yes but your Aunty Betty was so out of it we didn't have the heart to turn the power off.
Right check the bulbs one by one and try again.
By October they should have the experiment up to speed, the electricity bills paid and the magnets pointing in the right direction and whamo!
See those two protons, brilliant.

The Sun does not shine.

This is really very personal!
My 91 year old mother-in-law gets the Indie. delivered every day in an attempt to give a fix on the day, the news the weather, etc. and also something to read.
The system, paper boy/girl, whoever, screwed up and the Sun was delivered today.
Though she is gently dementing she was able to stick it unread in the recycling.
I suppose if you come through various personal traumas, two world wars and manage to bring up a family of four while taking an active part in the life of your village you can still tell shit from shinola!

Human Love

Even a miserable old bugger like me has a few friends.
They have provided much that I am grateful for. The author Andrei Makine was recommended by a friend and, importantly, he thrust a copy of A Life's Music in my hand.

I enjoyed it, if that was the right word, and on that basis did the usual with the heroes of the Suffolk County Libraries and ordered his latest, Human Love.

It weaves the near present of revolutions in Africa and the 'end of history' with the memories and drivers of affections that carry the characters through life.

... for the first time Elias became aware of the paths that led human beings through revolutions and wars, through life. He grasped that within the most stubborn commitment to the most sublime cause could lie hidden the desire to punish a man who went off with a rival, the memory of an old woman who recited poetry to her window boxes and pity for a dog. (P93)

Beware policemen, bicycles and flickering lights

So they are about to turn the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) on at CERN.
Expect the lights to flicker a bit on the 10 September if all goes according to plan. I shouldn't worry too much though, trust me I'm a string theorist; I can explain everything.

Given the cost of energy at the moment, I would not be amazed to see collections being raised for the Higg's Boson Memorial Fund, (Charity Registration 999666R)

So, I noticed that the Beeb is after promoting the works of the man himself.

Not before time as far as I am concerned.

Still, a word to the wise, I would be a bit wary about any Copper who turned up in the next few weeks wearing a bicycle. Know what I mean?

However, I am wearing my Ruralshire Constabulary t-shirt with pride, though I have not been officially sworn in you understand.

It has caused the goodladywife to collapse in fits of something, it's a while since that occurred!

Twitching the night away!

We have birds visit us and some live hereabouts.
The long tailed tit below and his 4, 5 or possibly 6 friends dropped into the garden about lunch time yesterday to tank up on the peanuts and then head off!

We also have a long term resident, a female blackbird called Tufty. She is so called because she has a tuft on her head. We think it is because she was attacked by a hawk but managed to survive. Not only did she survive but she has raised at least one chick this year.

4 wheels good 2 wheels better!

We now have 3 bikes in our family of 2 persons.
This is the new arrival!


Isn't it sweet?
Today we shall be mostly riding round the garden!

Prairie Dogs and Buddhists

I am full of admiration Susan McCarthy's post on the not precisely lonesome prairie.
What more could you want in a blog? Eactly, you would want to include:-
Prairie dogs, Tibetan monks, Santa Fe, buddhism, Willie Nelson, beer, Ted Nugent, People for Native Ecosystems, Jehovah's Witnesses, the possible conversion of owls and coyotes to vegetarianism, freedom from religious persecution and a sweet little photo of a prairie dog.

Go look!

It's worth it just for the photo, though I guess from his proud and arrogant bearing this little dog is a fundamentalist christian cracker just waiting to bend your ear about creation by design.

One Day in the Death of A S Esq.

There are times when I remember little of my life.
I do remember reading a book by a person lately deceased.
A description of the time when the chaps in the Gulag were told that their tormentor was dead.
A response was demanded by the camp authorities.
Caps went up in the air!

It was also the day a great musician died.
Someone who led me into the joy of music as a young lad.

So the Butcher of Grozney had the temerity to attend the memorial service!


As John Naughton points out, in the reference above, a bit like Kissinger accepting the Nobel Prize for Peace!

I think the Grauniad may have it wrong; heavens to Betsy! There is mention in the article of Putin attending the funeral but no confirmation elsewhere. Perhaps he was using his skills as a former KGB spook. Come to think of it, that guy on the left with the big hat and the beard has something about him!

Party, Party

Increasingly, the celebrations of our friends include 60th birthday parties or retirement festivities.

We travelled to Matlock Bath to enjoy a party for both. It had all the charm of a seaside resort ( amusement arcades, fish and chip shops, lots of tatty goods and ice cream parlours) but strangely enough, no beach or piers. It is a haven for bikers and on Sunday morning the bikes were stacked along the 'prom'. Obviously, they were the gentle fluffy bikers as they and the whole esplanade of machines, perhaps a couple of hundred, were watched over by one rather young, overdressed, community police support person. She did not look as if she was enjoying herself or more than 17.

The town is one of the (many) places visited and commented upon by Lord Byron. Pride of place in the hotel was given to a few lines of, unfinished, poetry written by the great man. I had this thought that he may have dashed them off in payment of the bill after a bit too much claret, or port, or whatever it was that he used to stimulate the muse. In fact our hotel had a display case with artifacts and pictures indicating the literary and royal connections of the place. Princess Victoria as well as the priapic peer had stayed here. Not, I hasten to add, in the same bed and/or at the same time if you get my meaning.

As I watched the disgraceful third age rockers at the party bouncing to the beat of a sound system that was turning my remaining internal organs to water I thought it was interesting that we use the words retiring, elderly, pensioner, old age pensioner even, to denote withdrawal from the world of work. The Spanish use the term jubilado, much more appropriate.
Anyway, it was a very good bash and we wish our jubilada friend well for the next 60. Jubilate deo omnis terra!

Mind you the Spanish have referred to the disabled as minusvalido for some time, maybe not so much now.

Olympic Games

This is the first and last reference in these pages to the business taking place in Beijing. Those who know me well may think this boycott is to do with the horrendous record of the PRC and the CC of the CPoPRC and that bit of bother over stealing Tibet.
( For further information please see Amnesty and Human Rights Watch.)

Well I never really got that far once I had uncovered the devilish plot to subvert the fair play of the games. I am a martyr to fair play.

The Chinese, hosting the games, have the right to introduce a game of their choice.
This year they introduced Tank Leaping!
You are dressed in cheap polyester, black pants and a white shirt. You stand motionless, shoulders well back, in front of a PLA tank which is revving its engine while the driver keeps slipping the clutch. When the tank lurches forward you leap with a double twist over the tank landing on both feet in good order to the acclaim of the assembled masses.

I now have incontrovertible evidence that the beggars have been at it for years, training with competitors carrying bags, shopping or otherwise. I dread to think what happened to those that were not up to snuff. You know once you let the competition take over you are lost.

Buddhist Pooter

There are times when I feel the weight of those that have gone before pressing down. Their record to family and duty, the good taste of their offerings and the sensitivity of feeling leave me quite bereft of hope for my own shallow maunderings.

It is, I suppose, that season when a man of standing in the community takes his ease from the daily grind and has time to reflect on his life; where steady progress through the ranks has led him and where with continued diligence and application he might lead his family and leave the world a better place.

It may be that the heat has introduced a measure of introspection into my daily meditation. A downpour would settle the spirits, do the garden some good and leave us all less enervated. We can then set off renewed for our annual holidays which start this year at Matlock Baths, though I doubt we shall be taking the waters much!

The end days!

Far be it from me to add to wee Gordie's woes.
Alex does seem to be a very slippery fish. Party machines break and it will be interesting to see what new monster emerges in the guise of Scottish Labour.

Gerry Hassan in an article in Open Democracy throws up a thought and it occurs to me that the image of two dogs from the same litter fighting over a single well picked bone might be appropriate if it were not for the insult to our friends north of the border :-

The SNP - contrary to Labour's fevered imaginings - is like many centre-left parties around the world, an uneasy compromise between social democracy and neo-liberalism, with no real understanding of political economy or the grotesque ways modern capitalism works (thus, closer to New Labour itself than either would like). Yet it has in government so far managed to address this balance better than Scottish Labour ever has done, displaying more of a capacity for statecraft and stagecraft, all the while conveying its project with a sense of mission, story and voice (something Labour had years ago but has long since lost.

So, an interesting time ahead....

This failure to develop any plausible British story - of which Gordon Brown's many missives on Britishness are a symptom, not the solution - offers many new challenges, opportunities and openings to progressives across these isles. The SNP, buoyed by its Glasgow East victory, has powerful political momentum - as long as it does not overreach itself or fall victim to its own form of arrogance. More broadly, the contours of Scottish and UK politics now point to a prospective referendum on Scottish independence (most probably in 2010): this promises to be a historic, even seismic event in the history of Scotland and the UK.

To quote Mr Broon, mischievously, from a much earlier period in his life when he could afford to be ironic:-

There's a breakthrough in the pipeline!

A critical point in the economic cycle

We approach a café somewhere near Portobello Road.

The door is open and a solitary white figure enters the café. He is wearing Lycra and a cycling helmet. He picks up a chair reverses it and sits.

He positions the chair across the cheap formica table from a lean black man in jeans and a leather jacket. He has dreadlocks stuffed inside a huge leather peaked cap. He tokes hard on a Camberwell carrot and while exhaling the smoke his voice rumbles:

Dave, mon good you could call in - see I an I.

Dave clears his throat and pitched a semitone higher than he intended squeaks:

Samuel. Yo, good to see you man!

I hear you lost wheels mon, an you lookin for I an I to find dem, teehee!

Well, yes I was hoping 'the project' would produce some positive media outputs.

No problem Dave, I’m sure we can do bissness….

Well I’d be very grateful, I really loved that bike and to think that some little scrote had it away while I was down Tesco’s really hacks me off. Besides the publicity will be a bit of a bunce.

Chill Dave! Have a toke.

It’s not that stunk stuff is it, the press would have a ball with that?

Dave, you are wid friens, what pass between you an I an I is a sacred as the confessionul. Anyway is just ‘erbal cigarette.

Are you allowed to smoke in here?

Dave, you gotta chill mon. Is only erbal and beside Babylon not coming round ere! Now dis bycical ting, I can do for you.

Fine! I’ll pay whatever you want, we might even be able to work it into the election campaign. But the little blood clot who half inched it has to do time!

Dave, Dave, all this talk of Babylon wearin me down, mon. You send im off to Babylon e come back, batty man, twice as bad. No we get you bycicle ting back and you don ask we don tell. In de Tory party everytin black and white! Maybe not black an white but you know what a mean. In de real world there are shades of grey.

Ok Samuel, I look forward to getting it back.

No problem Dave, just as soon as I an I is Secretary of State for Justice!

Taiga, Tiger Burning Bright

A heart-warming tale of extinction, dishonesty and politics about the South China tiger from Susan McCarthy's website - the Nature of the Beast.

She points out the more existentially comfortable position of the North China tiger, just, recorded in this article.

All good stuff, reminded me of the film Derzu Uzala (1975), by Kurosawa, where one of the stars was the Amur tiger!

A very different world!

Not that I believe in it but if there was reincarnation, I wouldn't mind coming back as a tiger, Panthera tigris altaica of course.

Annual Report and Accounts of Buddhist Pizza Inc.

It has been a quiet year at Buddhist Pizza Inc. (B PINC)!

Some of our investors have raised the question of Directors’ Emoluments!

I can confirm that all directors have voluntarily agreed to blood and DNA testing. Should there be anything untoward in their results, the Public Health Authorities will be informed.

Moving on to more seemly matters; it may have been quiet but we have not been idle! I am able to report a substantial dividend to our investors. We have been able to divest the company of its holdings in

Northern Rock,
Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac,
Marks and Spencer

at a substantial profit!

We were, of course, able to buy Alliance and Leicestershire at a substantial discount and look forward to working closely with our colleagues in Santander!

The South Waziristan branch of our operations seems to have attenuated over the past year, as this map shows.

However, we are very pleased with the contribution of our Argentinean partners and look forward to celebrating their return to profitability and this country. It would only seem fitting to propose the corporation plan a significant barbeque as a result!

On that note I hand you over to our auditors and ask you to join us in modest refreshments and some networking. We are distributing the Dave for PM badges without charge and you are free to make a modest contribution to party funds!

Lest we forget.

There was a report.

It made me think about the poster outside our loo!

The photo is mine but the link gives an 'attribution' for the poster.

Mr Cameroon thinks it is possible he may have to raise taxes!

Wider streets then!

Freddie and Fannie

When I first heard about them many years ago I thought they were characters in a mock folk song. Of course I had heard the song but on the back of this there was a chippy little ditty about love, life and retribution in the picture houses of Tottenham Court Road. I was wrong of course they are:- US government charted mortgage financiers.

Freddie Mac – Federal Home Loan Mortgage Corporation ("FHLMC")

Freddie Mac's mission is to provide liquidity, stability and affordability to the housing market.

Fannie Mae – The Federal National Mortgage Association (FNMA)

Next week, for your homework tell me who are

• Farmer Mac
• Ginnie Mae
• Sallie Mae

Meanwhile back at the ranch, sorry the office, on March 19, 2008.
The Office of Federal Housing Enterprise Oversight (OFHEO) announced an initiative to increase mortgage market liquidity.

Washington, DC - OFHEO, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac today announced a major initiative to increase liquidity in support of the U.S. mortgage market. The initiative is expected to provide up to $200 billion of immediate liquidity to the mortgage-backed securities market.

No shit. This could save all our bacon and bring world peace, justice ‘nd prosperity nearer to Crawford Texas!

OFHEO expected this, with other measures, to pump about $2 trillion into the mortgage market this year. OFHEO Director James Lockhart -

“Let me be clear – both companies have prudent cushions above the OFHEO-directed capital requirements and have increased their reserves."

So Jimmy ‘the legs’ Lockhart is happy to rip one third of the secured equity out of the heart of the US secondary mortgage market to provide an excuse to print more money. Yippee! Cream your buns baby! Sub prime and the credit crunch - an opportunity not a constraint!

Today, of course, some very old chickens, scrawny necks hung about with scraps of cardboard bearing the legend "moral hazard'', have been seen roosting on top of a ranch near Crawford, Texas!

Some doommongers are talking about dominoes!

Tee Hee! G Broon Esq. thought he had problems with Northern Rock!

Be afraid, be very, very afraid! It could get cold out there.

Have you ever felt exigous?

Another little cracker from the Nature of the Beast

I have to say it struck a chord.
I also have to say that I needed the help of Messers Collins and Chambers with that word exigous.

I am exigous. Indeed I have much to be exigous about.

For our many readers this does not mark the beginning of product placement in this blog, although I have been a grateful user of the two volumes above for many years. They come with the highest recommendation. Accept no substitutes or inferior wares, use only the best!

What is Scary Sam Listening to?

Scary Sam was protecting a vegetable patch in Yorkshire. (You just can't trust those Tykes not to steal the onions.) I noticed the CDs fluttering in the breeze as additional protection. We have used this device to scare birds for some time. I have no idea if it works but what else are you going to do with gifts of Bruce Springsteen CDs. I'm convinced that it was this throw away remark which cost us our last home.

Anyway, the bitterness of the homeless apart, I was interested to see what music, software or DVDs had been employed. Warbling classical sopranos, second rate cover bands and a smattering of Microsoft!

By their bird scarers ye shall know them.

It is difficult with a point and shoot; the light and the speed which the CD rotates gave me problems. One day Brucie I will snap you hanging by a thin cotton thread, scaring de liddle boyds.

The Bonny Rowan Tree

Two men sit in a room overlooking the gardens of Lambeth Palace.
One is slight, white, dry, bedraggled and sports an untidy grey beard.
The other is substantial, black, oleaginous and is more or less bereft of the hindrance of hair.

In the background they can just hear the chant of Dockers, some of them had flocked to the sound of Enoch’s drum decades before. Faintly the two men can make out the words….

What do we want? Gay women bishops!

When do we want them? Naa!

Rowan lets out a sigh and, without bitterness, turns to Peter with the question:-

Is there a way out of this?

Peter declaims :-

One of the marks of apostolic ministry is signs, wonders and miracle. There are many in today's Church, who would lay claim to apostolic authority without holding on to apostolic faith nor do they manifest any of the marks of the apostles. We are deeply grateful to all provincial, diocesan and parish local committees, the donors, the tour agents, the travel agents, the Jordanian and Israeli governments for allowing us to meet. Brethren, we appreciate the labours of love of the theological resource group. I must also thank in advance all those who will provide leadership in worship, workshops and plenary. We are heavily indebted to the various sub-committees and their leaders. God bless you all.

Rowan mutters:-

Oh fuck! He’s off on one.

He raises his voice:-

Peter. The theology is settled!
It’s a matter of when, where, and how.

Allergy Bars and Fat Rascals

So, a pleasant holiday and respite in the North York Moors.
I had been prompting my colleagues for some time with the suggestion that I was going on holiday. This was to solicit the

Going anywhere nice?

response, just so I could say

No. Yorkshire!

But there you are, old hatreds die hard.

However, we did have a good time walking, taking trains and having picnics on footpaths in high places. The menu;- A sandwich, A piece of fruit, A slug of water and a fruit/muesli bar.
I looked at the ingredients on the wrapper of the fruit/muesli bar and found they were the same as the ingredients on the allergy warning notice! From now on, in our house, they will be known as allergy bars!

As Homer would say:-

Mmmmm!

Much better for you than Fat Rascals; probably!

Absurdispam

Spam, don't you just hate it?
A tragedy of the commons if ever there was one.

This week I decided to fight back, so before pushing the button to send my spam into the oblivion of dark matter that awaits it on the other side of the spam filter I recorded the litany of recent spam subjects and my, often, bemused responses.

Dont look fat and stupid this summer.

But that is so me.

Ensure your potence and make love everywhere.

I’m sure there are laws about that sort of thing.

Sure win method to bed women.

Offer to fill their hot water bottles.

Worm out at once!

You noticed.

5 euros to scratch and win up to 200.000 euros!

And my dad told me it was rude; maybe I should worm out.

Your extra inch will go a long way.

Six foot two will do me fine for a few years more.

The real meaning of class.

Bloody Marxist spam now!

Even Brad Pitt takes blue pilules!

I prefer the red.

Get rid of bad intimate living.

Yeah, what could I have been thinking about.

100% Replica Watches for jluong!!

All of them above average I tell you.

Shop around for luxury items at a reasonable price

I have a little person who does that sort of thing for me

Roman imperator took that pill to serve all his mistresses!

Boy I bet he was filling hot water bottles till his fingers fell off!

Amaze your lady friends thoroughly.

I do already and she is continuously shaking her head in disbelief

Bank of America - We Will Be Forced To Suspend Your Account!

If it’s news fine. I’m sure the BoA can open an account elsewhere.
If they are suspending my account - I’ll split anything they find in it with them.

Deadly catastrophe in Chinese capital.

I think it is called the Central Committee of the Communist Party of the Peoples Republic of China.

deflater staminal

You know I think I’m going to stop before I loose the will to read!