Cross Words

The Grauniad xword editor (whom god preserve and IMHO is a man of great humanity and self-deprecation) has alerted us to the retirement of Rufus. Good luck to him and a long happy time ahead. One of the few compilers I could countenance recently. The Editor mentions, in passing, the  Clerihew a subtle form of humour and in the right hands and with the right target a devastating weapon.
(Yes the Clerihew did much to bring down the Third Reich and the Berlin Wall... Ed!)

Somebody got out of the office party on the wrong side!

Our Editor believes he is quite arty
He disgraced himself at the office party
His nose for the drink
Has left it quite pink

Mr Wikipedia opines:-

Clerihew
A clerihew is a whimsical, four-line biographical poem invented by Edmund Clerihew Bentley. The first line is the name of the poem's subject, usually a famous person put in an absurd light, or revealing something unknown or spurious about them. Bentley invented the clerihew in school and then popularized it in books.

and reports:-

In 1983, Games Magazine ran a contest titled "Do You Clerihew?" The winning entry was:

    Did Descartes
    Depart
    With the thought
    "Therefore I'm not"?

Seasonal Greetings to all our regular reader(s)

Hazie Daze

Fine day Monday at Lackford Lakes with the weather bright and crisp. All of which puts one in a reflective mood.

(It can only get worse...Ed!)
The old ticker gave a leap of joy as I recognised the flight form of one bird that I had never seen before, to my knowledge, in the feathers, as it were (take that as fast failing memory...Ed.) A kingfisher, which had been masquerading as a little brown job on a pole in the mid-distance, took off and flew across our line of sight. It banked and flashed its finery at us. A Mr Macfarlane had something to say about the weather too, and Halcyon Days, and kingfishers.

I'm so grateful for having RM's word of the day pointed out to me! Nice one B!

Xmas at # 10

Our contact in the far north, a pinko elf in Santa's Grotto, reported a whispered conversation between a tall woman in kitten heels, sitting on Santa's knee, and the big man himself!
She was heard pleading  for xmas to come early this year, the sooner the better!
This strange conversation was confirmed, in writing a few days later, when a letter from a certain address in Westminster to a Mr Claus was intercepted and steamed open. The contents, at least those not redacted, appeared to ask for the same pre-arrival of the festive season and additionally,  for some chocolate coated Castor Oil beans to be sent to a Ms Foster and other parties in the UK (NI branch). The letter was initialled TM (Susu). The Old Fella has replied suggesting that he will not be able to deliver early this year as it plays havoc with the livestock, Hanukkah, and office parties but perhaps in the spirit of cooperation and compromise he might suggest an extended transitional period! Also, do you think he was born yesterday with the chocolate whatsits. As he was one of the first people to get the Breaking Bad Bootlegged Box Set, which he thoroughly enjoyed, he would not be so DUPED. He would have the men in big boots and balaclavas running around the dispatch area at a critical period in the business cycle of the enterprise.
(Let's disregard most of the questions an editor, lawyer, trick-cycalist might have about this blog and your latest entry in particular, what in the name of all that is grub and holey is SUSU... Ed?)
According to some

Sisu is a grim, gritty, white-knuckle form of courage that is typically presented in situations where success is against the odds. It expresses itself in taking action against the odds and displaying courage and resoluteness in the face of adversity, in other words, deciding on a course of action and then sticking to that decision even despite repeated failures.

 A bit of a give away then, if you're Finnished!

It's the Energy Stupid

Mr Naughton had a pertinent column in Th'Observer this Sunday (26/11/17)
(When does he ever not...Ed?)
It concerns the energy consumed by the interweb and all its works and pomps. Big Gigawatts boyo and the 7% of world electricity consumption that is attributed to the digital ec(h)o system at present is only set to grow.
(So easy on the tweets there Donald...Ed!)
Turning to bit coin he points out the absurdity, in energy terms, of the method of production of this form of digital currency. The 'mining' or computing power necessary for creating the little b*g**rs will require the entirety of Ireland's electrical consumption at present and Denmark's in 2020.
(I'm shocked, electrified even. Personally speaking I would rather have The Old Sod and even the Huggy Danes...Ed)
Guilty as charged then!

Those Danes are good II

Interesting programme last night on the Labour party prior to the last election and the aftermath!
One of the MPs followed was Stephen Kinnock, nuff said. On the election night poised to win big he had agreed to talk, not only to the programme makers but also ITV, the Shopping Channel, Battersea dogs home, the Met(to help with their enquiries) and Sky. He muttered that they would probably ask him about 'The Jerrumbly'. His wife, a Dane of some distinction and political nous, sidled up to him and asked sotto danish voce a simple one word question "Why?". Thus was Kinnock Minor saved from falling over backwards and getting his trousers soaked.

G'day

If you need something to get you going in the morning can I suggest Methra - The Rising Sun.
Other tunes are available and more information from the band's interweb thingy Methra.
They are appearing in Suffolk even. God knows if they will find the way in. I hope they are not intending to come by train. 
(You need something these days to crawl from under the doonie. I'll give it a go... Ed)
No change there then!

News from Zimbabwe

So goodbye then Robert! Keith's mum says that there may have been a coup. A good run for your money or perhaps not yours! Much discussion as to what sort of coup it is. Helpfully, my briefing from the Grauniad arriving this morning over the interweb by e-waves suggests it is a Coup de Grace.
Worth the subscription for that alone.
(Should that not be d'Etat... Ed?)
Cherchez la femme!

A Little Danish

Damn, but those Danes are good. A bit too slick, a bit too polished, you think? Away and polish the bolt in your kneck!
NPR gives you a good taste on YouTube here.

The lads of the Danish String Quartet, something for elevenses, other tunes are available. 
(Should that not be neck... Ed?)

Danish, I'm told.

The Windows of Porto

I have not been posting much recently. In my defense, your honour, I cite a bad back, old age, senility and the general paralysis of the insane. However, I have enjoyed reading a number of books from the comfort of my bed of pain. I have travelled to foreign climes, Portugal since you ask, and enjoyed a family wedding. God, I found myself wishing the couple the best of luck, which is pretty thin gruel when you consider what they will have to deal with, better the fair love of my heart.  It was good too, to catch up with members of Herself's large and welcomming tribe. We rounded off the holiday with a stay in Porto and luckily made it back to Stansted despite the Transportations of O'Ryan.
The books below are, I am assured by my records, those which I have read!

Little Boy Blue - M J Arlidge,
The Harbour Master - Daniel Pembrey
The Three-body Problem - Liu Cixin
Nowhere Girl - Ruth Dugdall
Himself - Jess Kidd
I’m Travelling Alone - Samuel Bjork
The Pledge - Friedrich Durrenmatt

A Visit from the Bish

Herself, the head gardener, is inordinately delighted and proud of the Bishop of LLandaff who pays us a visit every year. This wee snap does not do his Lordship justice (as the actress might have said...Ed)

Poppycock!

Collinn Farrell is rumoured to be interested

The world, as you may well know, is in a terrible state of chassis. The weather, it being the height of the English Summer, somewhat cold and damp. Phwatt in the name of all that is good and holy is an old man with a bad back meant to do? Well, since you ask, curl up with a good book from Suffolk  Library. 'A man with one of those faces' by Caimh McDonnell. I won't bother you with details of the plot, the finely drawn characters that grace its pages, the wry commentary on youth, sex, drugs and country music or the dreadful state of a mangy Celtic Tiger portrayed therein. Suffice it to say that if you ever see a guard with a Hurley heading your way and your conscience has the least speck upon it run like feck or drop to your knees, extend both arms sideways, and intone 'Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani'.

A second volume has been prepared for your delight 'The day that never comes' which makes it sound like one of those Morse thingies, no offence there Colin, wouldn't want you turning in your grave. What with the other Collinn rumoured to be interested. ( Do we not have to be careful here with M'learned friends? He was buried, wasn't he, not cremated? Is there not an unhealthy proximity betwixt the words grave, rumoured and interested?...Ed)

I have in my hand the finest Hurley ever to smote leather or the large arse of a fecking eejit!
Eat your heart out Bunny McGarry.

Smart energy wanted.

I know, I know, I keep burbling on about energy but as the sun sets in the west, I hear the refrain, "It's the energy, stupid!" time and time again. Another one from Carbon Commentary that should knock your socks off if it wasn't summer and you weren't wearing sandals.  I particularly like the downbeat characterisation of the CEO; rings true though doesn't it?

Exytron is a plausible contender for a role as the central enabler of the energy transition. But, please note, the company itself doesn’t make this claim. CEO Karl-Hermann Busse, possibly the most pessimistic entrepreneur I have ever met, is far too aware of the obstacles the company faces. He mentions the inertia of many of the existing fossil fuel businesses as important barriers. He says that they will endlessly talk to him but then never commit to partnership. Perhaps a UK company would like an introduction to Dr Busse? No-one should be worried he is going to over-sell his invention.

(Do you not wear socks with your sandals then...Ed?)

Only if they are electrically heated with renewable energy, eejit!

Christine wants you and your sunbeams.

Nice little story from the ever stimulating Chris Goodall in the
CARBON COMMENTARY NEWSLETTER
 (23 July 2017 Subscribe at www.carboncommentary.com)

Solar in Africa. BBOXX said it had signed a deal in the small West African country of Togo to provide up to 300,000 off-grid kits. 10,000 will be installed in the next year giving light, phone charging, TV and radio to unelectrified rural households. 66% of Togo’s adults have mobile phones and can use BBOXX’s pay-as-you go system. The government said it was sponsoring the BBOXX project partly to increase the takeup of mobile money systems. Another indication of the close link between PV, the mobile phone and online payments in Africa.

Now if only that nice Mr Musk or even our Christine Le G. could  dig their hands into baggy pockets and provide a few (Ever)readies for storage we would all get along just fine!

(Could you bring that light over here, I can hardly see the hand behind my back it is so cloudy and dull...Ed)

Summertime and the lighting is easy!

I'll publish yours if ...

Occasionally BP encourages an open debate between editorial and creative members of the cooperative. The usual parenthetical delimiters  and the employment of ellipses is dispensed  with to encourage a full and frank discussion much like the old catechistic method of inculcating doctrinal certainties.

Has there been a bit of a ruck about the old BeeB and the payment of the workers?

There has, indeed. 

Have some of the troops been what can only be described as peeved?

Deeply, I suspect.

Emily, Jane and the women, have been up in arms about it, have they not?

Monstrously so, I fear. 

Could we suggest some names are quite notable by their absence?

A very taxing arrangement, I would judge.

I hope you are not implying, given the alacrity of m'learned friends to seek redress, any malfeasance.

I would not wish to evade the issue but, allegedly, it is wholly avoidable.

Amen

What's your poison?

I was reading a post in the blog by David Spiegelhalter, Understanding Uncertainty, titled
Medicine, poison poison, poison. 
It contained the paragraph:-

At one unit a day (half a standard glass of wine), they estimate a tiny overall benefit for men and a slightly larger, but still small, overall benefit for women. But the Department of Health appears very eager to avoid the message of “a small glass of something for medicinal purposes”.

 That phrase “a small glass of something for medicinal purposes” pinged my short term memory to the day before when I had seen the women behind me in the supermarket queue load 3 bottles of Sonatogen Tonic Wine on to the belt and cover them with a large bag of spinach. Of course it could be that she was in need of a tonic or was short in the iron department or even that it was her tipple of choice, god bless her. Who am I to point the finger of shame having drunk more than my lifetime's allocation of red wine and other electric soups but I do love that - medicinal purposes.

(I feel in the interest of balance I should point out other health promoting  beverages are available; didn't Harold Wilson enjoy the odd 7 pint party can of Hall's Tonic Wine and your own good parents treat the family to a bottle of Buckfast -Bucky- at Christmas time... Ed)

In vino veritas

ADUP

In line with the use of names to designate a quantity of money:- a pony, a monkey, a grand.
Let me suggest         A DUP =£1billion
On this auspicious day, of course, there may be those who would wish to suggest (an orange) dinosaur! Whatever, must pop out for my annual packet of Jaffa Cakes! It's only polite to offer them around

(Doesn't our own TM, peace be upon her,  have a degree in colouring in ... Ed.)

The future is orange or an austere grey, Maybe!

Everything in the Garden

Summertime and there is a certain uneasiness about the world (I do wish you would avoid the pull of the understatement... Ed.) However, as the sun shines and the butter flies, the bees polish their knees and life takes on a softer feel, for some, it is interesting to reflect on the boon of the land.
Patrick Barkham enumerates the benisons but not without reference to the political in a Grauniad article today.  To quote

A garden is more than a space to recharge, though. As George McKay points out in his book Radical Gardening, the collective endeavour that gardening can often be is evinced by everyone from Gerrard Winstanley’s 17th-century Levellers to today’s guerrilla gardeners. It isn’t always progressive – plenty of fascists revere gardening – but when enlightened gardening meets political power, it can rearrange the way we live. Ebenezer Howard’s reimagining of urban life in the 1890s led to garden cities such as Letchworth, and they continue to inform urban planning today.

McKay argues that allotments are “profoundly anti-capitalist” spaces. Modest council rents never reflect the true land value or what councils could earn from allotment land. Produce grown on allotments is consumed locally, and often swapped. Through allotments, we reject today’s dominant ideology of allocating resources via money and globalised markets.

I love that - plenty of fascists revere gardening - !

I would at this point show a picture of the family estate the pride and joy of us all including the head gardener, peace be upon her,  but I have a bad back, I am a lazy swine at the best and a wee bit of pain finishes me off! (You are excused, just the once, but man up there princess we only have one blog... Ed)

That's Oil Folks

You May believe that we have reached the end times because we have been DUPed. You may believe that we are all going to Hell in a Hand Cart because Washington has turned into a dystopian Trumpington, Mr Kim's ICBMs or whatever. I bet  if you  go to sleep worrying about oil, it is   burning too much of it, getting enough of it,  fighting for it,  stealing it or using it on that squeaky bottom bracket. However, the reason we should have night sweats and terrors is that Central Bankers are at a complete loss as to how to decouple the system and environment of financing (low interest rates, QE and its effects) and our addiction to the oily stuff for the economy and anti-squeakyness.
I am alerted to this by the exceedingly informative podcast - Talking Politics- of a Mr Runciman and in particular by a discussion ( the last 15 minutes of the podcast if you are pushed for time) of the book - Oil and the Western Economic  Crisis- by a Ms Helen Thompson. Both I believe hold professorial posts at a nearby university.  Others are available!
Sweet dreams.  

An Englishman in Madrid

Summer Reading facts no. 92 in a series.

Did you know that the above book by Eduardo Mendoza is 9 out of 10 in the top sellers at the LRB  Bookshop?

Remember you read it here first.

What I can't remember though is whatever happened to Gurb?

A Falling Woman

Not the most significant thing to have happened recently but a sign perhaps or even a portent.

TM does her impression of a Falling Woman.

I hasten to add

In case you  think I May have a down on the besom for any Trumpish reasons it's "just poli'ical". In my defense I would point you in the direction of an inspirational character, the subject of a programme in the 'great lives series' of the British Broadcasting Corporation, Shirley Chisholm.
I proudly wore the badge, "Shirley Chisholm for President",  45 years ago, even though I did not have a pig in the race as my ancestors might have had it!

(Lost, lost! I have no idea what you are blethering on about. Lord save us... Ed)
Keep up there fella, as Commander Hastings would say. we are in for quite a ride.

A Poke in the Eye with a Sharp Chip!

Didn't I tell you this, so called, snap election is more about food than pictures! The puns and possibilities are endless. What joy! She May be a "BLOODY DIFFICULT WOMAN" or she May be an insecure geography graduate with a chip on her shoulder. The degree comes in useful, no doubt,  as she sCurries about the country from one group of the faithful to another. It is a bit like a Safari Supper for the Nasty Party. There are many reasons people visit food banks, hunger and a lack of money for food being just two of them. I'm sure that poke of chips would have tasted better with  Pickles but then where are your chums when you need them and the chips are down. Speaking of which I'm sure Phil (which one?) will help her out with the poke when she tires of the chips. Lynton Chrispy must be heaving a sigh of relief that she was not pictured with a bit of battered cod or an old haddock!
(Phwhat in god's name are you talking about??? I think this democracy stuff has finally got to your brain or what is left of it...Ed)

Read and Enjoy the Video!

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2017/may/02/theresa-may-liberal-democrats-defectors-south-west-stick-with-tories?

Food for thought and elections

It's that time again. Elections couldn't you just vote without them!

Our political food correspondent writes...
On the menu this election is a choice between 
Strong Glands Table Leadership or a Collation of Chaos

Now here's a little candle lit dinner that went a rye... too much sourdough?

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/01/how-junckers-downing-street-dinner-turned-sour?

(Jaysus! Can you not give a bit of a warning when you are about to dash into production again. I was at the sister's looking after the wains when the alerty thing popped up on the old interweb. I nearly spilt me tea all over meself!...Ed)

Bushmills tea is that, without milk?

Indexing we trust? p91

Indexing - now there's a thing.
I bet you haven't given much thought to that while I've been absent from these pages or indeed the pages themselves have been absent. The Grauniad had a nice wee article  on indexing on National Indexing Day by Sam Leith. Undoubtedly a piece of crass propaganda for the Society of Indexers.  We might as well go back to the days of craft guilds, 99 year apprenticeships, permanent indentedness, free beer,  protectionism, pre-brexitism  and so called Trade Unions! It is however very interesting and, of course, contains a 404 for the link to the Society.
Deliberate?
(Do you think we might have an index on this blog? I could knock you up a passable index for a few sovs extra each week. Now we have to take the bairns off on holiday when the schools are out it can be very expensive, and we have been going for over 10 years...Ed)

Expletives -obscene
                  -expressing the negative, p 92

West Wing Mark II

A find in the podosphere. A Mr O'Bama has recently stood down from some job or other and I have not always been appreciative as I might have been! (I very much doubt that he even knew let alone gave a tinker's damn... Ed)
However, the link gives about 40 minutes of thoughts, banter, and a few flashes of what the progressive future might have involved (and hopefully may yet involve). I must say that my one moment of queasiness came when your man O'Bam was discussing what the hell happened if the USA defaulted on its debt. Jokes with the gang about minting a trillion dollar coin aside, nobody knew! You have to give it to him, he did keep the show on the road in some very difficult times. His analysis of how the Trumpet of massive investment in infrastructure will lead to a call much later for a roll back on welfare is very scary. A Mr Freedland, who scribbles for some lowbrow rags from time to time, had an equally scary scenario for this in, The Third Woman, his latest penny dreadful.

Reasons to be cheerful!

Given the winter of our discontents - the Americans have elected an eejit, we didn't get the chance to elect our eejit, The Wall of Shame etc.. Thought you might be interested in a little cheer,

You may have heard of Chris Thile or not, ditto for appreciating his music making but the smile on the face of Yo Yo at about 8 min. 30 sec. in the video says there are reasons to be cheerful.

Thanks to all the wonderful people who linked me through the Interweb, the Grauniad, NPR, to this.
Full disclosure:- I am not able to establish that cats were not harmed in the production of the instruments on which this music was played.
(I'm gutted, truly gutted! I will have to consider my position carefully, very carefully. I was always led to believe this was an animal friendly blog... Ed)
How come the cat never gets anyway near your tongue!

Tess of the Submarines. Maybe!

After a few rounds with the doughty Mr Marr yesterday Tess had avoided saying yes no or even Maybe to direct questioning as to what she  knew and when she knew it. We had dropped a b.....k or even a rocket when the lads were on their nuclear hols off Florida. This would be  before the common people were asked to detrouser  billions of pounds for renewing Trident. Well, you can judge for yourselves if she was being forgetful, vague or a squirming politician.
What intrigues me is the kinetics of the thing. I have it on good authority, The Beeb News Corp, usually quite reliable, that our lads were sunning themselves 200 miles from the coast of Florida when this came to pass. Mr Wikipedia assures me that after huffing and blowing for about 2 mins. a Trident rocket reaches a flight speed of 13,600 miles per hour( Eat your heart out Southern Rail) So if I inquire of my calculator how long it would take to travel  from the the good sub Tessa Maybe and land on the  Sunshine State, the answer is less than three minutes and counting down... ( It would give all those snowbirds a fright too, poor dears, as they are sat around the aircon singing the state song - Old Folks at Home. My geography is a bit sketchy but didn't I hear that Cuba is only 100 miles or so from Florida... Ed)
I heard the same also!

Avid for crime(reading)

I may have mentioned before that I have read without benefit of a book group for many, many years.
However, I joined a small group a few years ago. The advantages are that it is sponsored by a public library which provides a room and about a dozen volumes of the same book each month. Our convenor, a calm and well organised woman (peace and many blessings be upon her) provides us with a wide selection of crime novels  for us to enjoy throughout the year and discuss if we feel so inclined.  The group has men as well as women in it, it does not follow a rigid pattern for contributions, members come and go and we do not have to 'speak up and shame the devil' if we do not wish. Occasionally, we get a stinker usually because a book has been suggested to our group from outside. I always make notes as a commitment to the group and the activity. Here is one from last year.

Mary Higgins Clark - The Lost Years
Notes

Pope finds Thank You note from Jesus. Decides to burn it. Monk feels this is blasphemous. Murder ensues through 5 centuries.
Mariah thinks her dad has found the letter and her mum has killed him. After a bit of twoing and throwing Mariah saves the day, the letter and managed a weak smile as she watched Richard running toward her (Who he? Oh never mind!)... Mariah  felt a sudden peace, a peace that was beyond understanding, fill her being.
Turned out nice again!

Frankie and Johnny

So they weren't lovers after all!
I read in my Grauniad today:-
Split in lay order after senior official was dismissed over distribution of free prophylactics and the Holy See hierarchy sought to intervene.
 (Those subs get away with murder. Split and prophylactics in the same sentence. Fast cars, big cigars, even faster women. They probably wear red white and blue braces. How unlike the code of conduct and dress code of our own humble publication...Ed)
Not many people would wear braces to hold their pjs up, I grant you.