Buddhist Pooter

There are times when I feel the weight of those that have gone before pressing down. Their record to family and duty, the good taste of their offerings and the sensitivity of feeling leave me quite bereft of hope for my own shallow maunderings.

It is, I suppose, that season when a man of standing in the community takes his ease from the daily grind and has time to reflect on his life; where steady progress through the ranks has led him and where with continued diligence and application he might lead his family and leave the world a better place.

It may be that the heat has introduced a measure of introspection into my daily meditation. A downpour would settle the spirits, do the garden some good and leave us all less enervated. We can then set off renewed for our annual holidays which start this year at Matlock Baths, though I doubt we shall be taking the waters much!

The end days!

Far be it from me to add to wee Gordie's woes.
Alex does seem to be a very slippery fish. Party machines break and it will be interesting to see what new monster emerges in the guise of Scottish Labour.

Gerry Hassan in an article in Open Democracy throws up a thought and it occurs to me that the image of two dogs from the same litter fighting over a single well picked bone might be appropriate if it were not for the insult to our friends north of the border :-

The SNP - contrary to Labour's fevered imaginings - is like many centre-left parties around the world, an uneasy compromise between social democracy and neo-liberalism, with no real understanding of political economy or the grotesque ways modern capitalism works (thus, closer to New Labour itself than either would like). Yet it has in government so far managed to address this balance better than Scottish Labour ever has done, displaying more of a capacity for statecraft and stagecraft, all the while conveying its project with a sense of mission, story and voice (something Labour had years ago but has long since lost.

So, an interesting time ahead....

This failure to develop any plausible British story - of which Gordon Brown's many missives on Britishness are a symptom, not the solution - offers many new challenges, opportunities and openings to progressives across these isles. The SNP, buoyed by its Glasgow East victory, has powerful political momentum - as long as it does not overreach itself or fall victim to its own form of arrogance. More broadly, the contours of Scottish and UK politics now point to a prospective referendum on Scottish independence (most probably in 2010): this promises to be a historic, even seismic event in the history of Scotland and the UK.

To quote Mr Broon, mischievously, from a much earlier period in his life when he could afford to be ironic:-

There's a breakthrough in the pipeline!

A critical point in the economic cycle

We approach a café somewhere near Portobello Road.

The door is open and a solitary white figure enters the café. He is wearing Lycra and a cycling helmet. He picks up a chair reverses it and sits.

He positions the chair across the cheap formica table from a lean black man in jeans and a leather jacket. He has dreadlocks stuffed inside a huge leather peaked cap. He tokes hard on a Camberwell carrot and while exhaling the smoke his voice rumbles:

Dave, mon good you could call in - see I an I.

Dave clears his throat and pitched a semitone higher than he intended squeaks:

Samuel. Yo, good to see you man!

I hear you lost wheels mon, an you lookin for I an I to find dem, teehee!

Well, yes I was hoping 'the project' would produce some positive media outputs.

No problem Dave, I’m sure we can do bissness….

Well I’d be very grateful, I really loved that bike and to think that some little scrote had it away while I was down Tesco’s really hacks me off. Besides the publicity will be a bit of a bunce.

Chill Dave! Have a toke.

It’s not that stunk stuff is it, the press would have a ball with that?

Dave, you are wid friens, what pass between you an I an I is a sacred as the confessionul. Anyway is just ‘erbal cigarette.

Are you allowed to smoke in here?

Dave, you gotta chill mon. Is only erbal and beside Babylon not coming round ere! Now dis bycical ting, I can do for you.

Fine! I’ll pay whatever you want, we might even be able to work it into the election campaign. But the little blood clot who half inched it has to do time!

Dave, Dave, all this talk of Babylon wearin me down, mon. You send im off to Babylon e come back, batty man, twice as bad. No we get you bycicle ting back and you don ask we don tell. In de Tory party everytin black and white! Maybe not black an white but you know what a mean. In de real world there are shades of grey.

Ok Samuel, I look forward to getting it back.

No problem Dave, just as soon as I an I is Secretary of State for Justice!

Taiga, Tiger Burning Bright

A heart-warming tale of extinction, dishonesty and politics about the South China tiger from Susan McCarthy's website - the Nature of the Beast.

She points out the more existentially comfortable position of the North China tiger, just, recorded in this article.

All good stuff, reminded me of the film Derzu Uzala (1975), by Kurosawa, where one of the stars was the Amur tiger!

A very different world!

Not that I believe in it but if there was reincarnation, I wouldn't mind coming back as a tiger, Panthera tigris altaica of course.

Annual Report and Accounts of Buddhist Pizza Inc.

It has been a quiet year at Buddhist Pizza Inc. (B PINC)!

Some of our investors have raised the question of Directors’ Emoluments!

I can confirm that all directors have voluntarily agreed to blood and DNA testing. Should there be anything untoward in their results, the Public Health Authorities will be informed.

Moving on to more seemly matters; it may have been quiet but we have not been idle! I am able to report a substantial dividend to our investors. We have been able to divest the company of its holdings in

Northern Rock,
Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac,
Marks and Spencer

at a substantial profit!

We were, of course, able to buy Alliance and Leicestershire at a substantial discount and look forward to working closely with our colleagues in Santander!

The South Waziristan branch of our operations seems to have attenuated over the past year, as this map shows.

However, we are very pleased with the contribution of our Argentinean partners and look forward to celebrating their return to profitability and this country. It would only seem fitting to propose the corporation plan a significant barbeque as a result!

On that note I hand you over to our auditors and ask you to join us in modest refreshments and some networking. We are distributing the Dave for PM badges without charge and you are free to make a modest contribution to party funds!

Lest we forget.

There was a report.

It made me think about the poster outside our loo!

The photo is mine but the link gives an 'attribution' for the poster.

Mr Cameroon thinks it is possible he may have to raise taxes!

Wider streets then!

Freddie and Fannie

When I first heard about them many years ago I thought they were characters in a mock folk song. Of course I had heard the song but on the back of this there was a chippy little ditty about love, life and retribution in the picture houses of Tottenham Court Road. I was wrong of course they are:- US government charted mortgage financiers.

Freddie Mac – Federal Home Loan Mortgage Corporation ("FHLMC")

Freddie Mac's mission is to provide liquidity, stability and affordability to the housing market.

Fannie Mae – The Federal National Mortgage Association (FNMA)

Next week, for your homework tell me who are

• Farmer Mac
• Ginnie Mae
• Sallie Mae

Meanwhile back at the ranch, sorry the office, on March 19, 2008.
The Office of Federal Housing Enterprise Oversight (OFHEO) announced an initiative to increase mortgage market liquidity.

Washington, DC - OFHEO, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac today announced a major initiative to increase liquidity in support of the U.S. mortgage market. The initiative is expected to provide up to $200 billion of immediate liquidity to the mortgage-backed securities market.

No shit. This could save all our bacon and bring world peace, justice ‘nd prosperity nearer to Crawford Texas!

OFHEO expected this, with other measures, to pump about $2 trillion into the mortgage market this year. OFHEO Director James Lockhart -

“Let me be clear – both companies have prudent cushions above the OFHEO-directed capital requirements and have increased their reserves."

So Jimmy ‘the legs’ Lockhart is happy to rip one third of the secured equity out of the heart of the US secondary mortgage market to provide an excuse to print more money. Yippee! Cream your buns baby! Sub prime and the credit crunch - an opportunity not a constraint!

Today, of course, some very old chickens, scrawny necks hung about with scraps of cardboard bearing the legend "moral hazard'', have been seen roosting on top of a ranch near Crawford, Texas!

Some doommongers are talking about dominoes!

Tee Hee! G Broon Esq. thought he had problems with Northern Rock!

Be afraid, be very, very afraid! It could get cold out there.

Have you ever felt exigous?

Another little cracker from the Nature of the Beast

I have to say it struck a chord.
I also have to say that I needed the help of Messers Collins and Chambers with that word exigous.

I am exigous. Indeed I have much to be exigous about.

For our many readers this does not mark the beginning of product placement in this blog, although I have been a grateful user of the two volumes above for many years. They come with the highest recommendation. Accept no substitutes or inferior wares, use only the best!

What is Scary Sam Listening to?

Scary Sam was protecting a vegetable patch in Yorkshire. (You just can't trust those Tykes not to steal the onions.) I noticed the CDs fluttering in the breeze as additional protection. We have used this device to scare birds for some time. I have no idea if it works but what else are you going to do with gifts of Bruce Springsteen CDs. I'm convinced that it was this throw away remark which cost us our last home.

Anyway, the bitterness of the homeless apart, I was interested to see what music, software or DVDs had been employed. Warbling classical sopranos, second rate cover bands and a smattering of Microsoft!

By their bird scarers ye shall know them.

It is difficult with a point and shoot; the light and the speed which the CD rotates gave me problems. One day Brucie I will snap you hanging by a thin cotton thread, scaring de liddle boyds.

The Bonny Rowan Tree

Two men sit in a room overlooking the gardens of Lambeth Palace.
One is slight, white, dry, bedraggled and sports an untidy grey beard.
The other is substantial, black, oleaginous and is more or less bereft of the hindrance of hair.

In the background they can just hear the chant of Dockers, some of them had flocked to the sound of Enoch’s drum decades before. Faintly the two men can make out the words….

What do we want? Gay women bishops!

When do we want them? Naa!

Rowan lets out a sigh and, without bitterness, turns to Peter with the question:-

Is there a way out of this?

Peter declaims :-

One of the marks of apostolic ministry is signs, wonders and miracle. There are many in today's Church, who would lay claim to apostolic authority without holding on to apostolic faith nor do they manifest any of the marks of the apostles. We are deeply grateful to all provincial, diocesan and parish local committees, the donors, the tour agents, the travel agents, the Jordanian and Israeli governments for allowing us to meet. Brethren, we appreciate the labours of love of the theological resource group. I must also thank in advance all those who will provide leadership in worship, workshops and plenary. We are heavily indebted to the various sub-committees and their leaders. God bless you all.

Rowan mutters:-

Oh fuck! He’s off on one.

He raises his voice:-

Peter. The theology is settled!
It’s a matter of when, where, and how.

Allergy Bars and Fat Rascals

So, a pleasant holiday and respite in the North York Moors.
I had been prompting my colleagues for some time with the suggestion that I was going on holiday. This was to solicit the

Going anywhere nice?

response, just so I could say

No. Yorkshire!

But there you are, old hatreds die hard.

However, we did have a good time walking, taking trains and having picnics on footpaths in high places. The menu;- A sandwich, A piece of fruit, A slug of water and a fruit/muesli bar.
I looked at the ingredients on the wrapper of the fruit/muesli bar and found they were the same as the ingredients on the allergy warning notice! From now on, in our house, they will be known as allergy bars!

As Homer would say:-

Mmmmm!

Much better for you than Fat Rascals; probably!