Enjoy the Fag End of Life.

A drive to Sudbury.

Where? I hear you say, but that’s your loss!

The Gainsborough House recently renovated and refurbished presents a tremendous resource. You could do 2 PHDs here for the price of one.

I have very fond memories sitting with Lady BP under the Mulberry Tree; taking the air and enjoying our life.

The garden is maintained on a voluntary basis. I asked about the mulberries – no one knows; I hope the gardener makes lots of juice, wine or pies with them. He or she deserves it for creating such a peaceful space.

I am very blessed to be able to do these things!

I remember the portrait of

Boy Driving Cows near a Pool

It is in the Tate and the caption includes:-

'I'm sick of portraits and wish very much to take my Viol da Gamba [cello] and walk off to some sweet Village where I can paint landskips and enjoy the fag end of life in quietness and ease'.

It was written 2 years before he died and I do hope he enjoyed sitting outside some village inn, puffing his pipe and daubing the odd landskip!

Interesting use of the phrase fag end!

Brownie Points

So Gordie's big idea is community service for new citizens - great stuff, pity about the reality.

I can just see it now. Ken Loach is very welcome to use this if he is listening.

A bunch of guys, from god knows where, shovelling shit in Leith.

The boss man dibs out for a fag and to chat up the wee hoor who makes the tea!

The guys relax and smoke, talk amongst themselves, and remember where they have come from and what they have left.

The boss man comes back and they start to shovel again.

There is a track on the film 'Oh Brother Where art Thou'. It is a recording of a chain gang song - a real recording of a real chain gang! It was made less that 50 years ago.

Back to the future eh Gordie?

Six Nations One Family Part 2

A txt this weekend from our Rugby Correspondent:-

Just one thing 2 hope 4 now! Wales 2 win in Paris! Hard 4 an English man 2 hope!

It reminded me of the Chief Technical Officer I worked with in the 80s. He he had let it be known on a number of occasions that there was only one thing better than seeing Wales trashed at Cardiff Arms Park (as it was in those days) and that was to see Wales trashed by England at Cardiff Arms Park.

My reasoning on this was that it was to do with the genes. He was born in the border region and probably his DNA had lots of stuff in it about sheep, property and this sort of thing captured by
Ben Hammersly .

His view was one that I would not necessarily have disagreed with. I would also add that, to the best of my knowledge, I am the only member of our extended family who has any connection with Wales. My maternal grandmother was Welsh! There, I've said it, but don't tell anyone.

I hope it is not just the DNA and stuff but I did enjoy the match betweenEngland and Ireland. Good rugby, good sportspersonship, civility, and a recognition on both 'sides' that the English have come a long way since the time they had to shoot their way into a sports ground. It's just the odd country that gets it now.

So we lost!

I know it is a betrayal after all these years but has anyone thought of approaching Ronan O'Gara to see if he would be interested in being the next PM?

The Spoiler

I have confessed to my crosswording before. The prize crossword in the Grauniad (protected behind a paywall on the interweb but provided free with half a ton of paper when you buy the weekend Grauniad) on Saturday last, contained a spoiler.

This is my conspiracy theory about crosswords. You select the level of crossword that you feel comfortable with, Grauniad, FT, Torygraph, Indie or even the Dirty Digger's Times. You start doing it on a regular basis. You are then ensnared into the prize puzzle on a Saturday or Sunday. You get most of them but there always seems to be one clue which is v. difficult, ambiguous or relies on getting the intersecting solution to select between two possibilities.

Araucaria, had one such across clue last week. It depended on solving a down clue:

Girl, has some weight, being well padded. (4,4)

Very naughty of old Cinephile to do that, and him an ex vicar! Immediately thoughts turn to well padded girls and other immodesty. Until you are able to think of other things you will not get it and the across clue, the spoiler, will be beyond your reach.

Reminds me of the old chestnut about the psychiatrist who shows a patient images and asks for the association with each. The patient keeps repeating the word sex. The psychiatrist explains that it is obvious the patient is obsessed with sex. The patient replies that it is the doctor who is obsessed with sex because he has all those mucky drawings!

Back to work!

Six Nations One Family!

It is that time of year again. Lady Buddhist Pizza suspends her normal, industrious, modest, sober and vegetarian way of life to spend the weekends glued to the TV watching large men with large thighs wrestling in mud and giving voice to opinions that bring a blush even to my coarsened cheeks! In addition to the Freudian implications of this exhibition, there is the delicate matter of nationalism. As we all know, there is no such thing as delicate nationalism. (There must be a collective noun or other description of such phenomena which are theoretically possible but are never likely to be observed in the wild; I have been told subtle geologist is another.)

Yesterday's fixture was fraught. England v Scotland! I cowered in the corner as the family ( Lady BP) favourite Scotland, went down to the old enemy England. I was then forced onto the defensive. Though I maintain I am a citizen of the world, an internationalist and I was born in Hope! Hope hospital in Salford; that makes me an imperialist oppressor.

Today was a little easier as the Irish team underwhelmed the Welsh. I think we were both inclined to support the green contenders. There was some havering over bulging cambrian thighs and neanderthal brows and my ready dismissal of the minor order of Celts but the outcome for the Irish was acceptable.

Two further points. A modest score!

It didn't happen in this game but I am sure I have heard in the past the commentator voice....

O'Gara, O'Driscoll, O'Connell, O'Callaghan...... O bugger he dropped it.

During the match we received a text from an interested member of the family which read

Touch, pause, engage, bolox!....

So the new arrangement has not found favour with us all.
Well , when the Argentinians take it up they may have something to challenge the Tango!

Amblers February 07

A pleasant afternoon walk along part of the Icknield Way Path. We seem to be making the effort to bimble along with the local Amblers and it repays us with local contact.When the route had been scouted we were assured the weather was pleasant, almost like spring. We have had a high pressure over us and the frosty night gave way to a cold misty day. Great excitement, Lady Buddhist Pizza took a dive as she tangled with a root on the path. No harm, thank goodness, but she will have some bruises tomorrow!

A Statement by Buddhist Pizza

I would like to make it absolutely clear that I have not now, nor at any time in the past, offered inducements, bribes, strong drink, sexual favours or the promise of preferment to anyone to vote for me, lend me money or make gifts, in cash or in kind, to me or my party. To remove any doubt whatsoever, my party, The Emergency Sherry Party, is so named out of respect for the restorative and health giving properties of manzanilla.

I have, despite many years of selfless public service, had to suffer the indignity of being besieged here in my family home of Browning Street on the great Suffolk Plain, by and army of 2 reporters and that woman from the local ‘tele’. They have camped, remorselessly, for the past 4 hours outside our Jackobethan mansion engaging in some of the worst excesses of gutter journalism since the death of the people’s princess. (May her fragrance always be with us?) They have shown myself and Lady BP no mercy despite my setting the hounds on them, reasoning with their editors, and explaining that I thought a K was something you gave to a broody mare, and a big P was one’s first requirement of the day or 4am if you’re getting on a bit and the old water works are playing up!

I have also made the same points perfectly clear to that snippy little copper, Inspector Bates, who came round asking about hard disks, poxy servers and bypass backup procedures. I was shocked and have certainly never used such language in front of Lady BP. I will have to have a word with the wise down at the lodge about that one.

This is not about the selling of honours, nor conspiracy to pervert the course of justice. It is about a certain person and his lardy lump of a wife trying to usurp power before their time! I will not be moved from my course and expect to be a force in the land for some days to come.

I wish you and your families the very best for tomorrow, the feast day of St Blaise, the patron of the combers of wool, those with sore throats and the day on which, traditionally, the storks come home to roost!

Notes for Editors

1. Browning Street is a carbon zero heritage home which has provided respite and hospitality to many over the years including the Kray brothers, Peter and Roman.

2. Buddhist Pizza is travelling with Lady BP to Semipalatinsk where he will address the influential Gurb Institute on themes of Africa, global warming, nuclear power and air guitar! The carbon footprint for the journey will be offset by a further power failure in Sedgefield.

What Global Warming?

So; if I paraphrase you Mr Monbiot what you are saying is that here in Tokyo we need to turn a few lights out?

Thanks to John Naughton, yet again, for a link to the photo