Spring is Here

 Well hello! Anybody there? Nice weather we're having. There's nothing like a drop of sunlight to raise the spirits.
(Where is all this unbridled optimism, joie de vivre and bonhomie coming from. I am sick, sore and tired of furbelows, vacillations, corvids and god knows what else and you pop up fresh as a daisy after 3 months without so much as a by your leave or phwatt! ...Ed)
It is, I grant you, the start of a brave new world and haven’t we had a few bumps on the road? I don’t think there is anything here to worry us. My good friend BJ, he has the ear of the Prime Mincer if the truth be told as so seldom isn’t, says  there is a little unpleasantness about sausages in the Irish Sea. I know, well above my paygrade and herself a vegetarian. I am happy to leave that sort of thing to the Prime Mincer. It is, BJ assures me, the fault of petty minded jobsworthy EU bureaucrats. However, your man has a solution to all this and with the 12th fast approaching he will put it in the inbox of the Prime Mincer before you can say “No Surrender!” All goods shipped from GB to NI should be labelled, regardless of origin or material -  JAFFA CAKES. Lets see Ursula the Lion and Big Jo pick the bones out of that.
I’m off now, there’s my ferry.
(#*!*?~#*... Ed)

Bob A Sob

 I do not wish to  say that loneliness is not a real problem, a killer, and even in its less pathological states the cause of much mental suffering which any decent human would want to avoid for themselves or others. It was with gratitude, therefore, that we learned HM Gov. (thank u Grauniad again.) is about to pour largess of some £7m plus upon us for the purpose of relieving loneliness. Now, I have to admit this is crude but we have all suffered a little in the loneliness department at one time or another and let's say we all get a cup of this kindness cake to combat loneliness. By my reckoning that gives us 'roughly' 12p each or what we used to call a bob in pre-eu- decimalist days of imperial freedom (and poverty?) Not even enough for a cup of tea!

Hence the slogan Bob a Sob. It could catch on.

America! Politics! They do things differently there!

 Dave Winer made the comment below on his Blog:-

Joe Biden could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot Donald Trump and I would still vote for him.

Not sure I would agree with that and not only because I don't have a pig in the race, or a vote anyway.

Dave Winer, who he? Well he's blogging today after his blog has been running for: 26 years, 0 months, 28 days, 10 hours, 0 minutes, 1 second.  I guess he is a blogger amongst other things. 

(So we need to get a shift on then... Ed) I have only the slightest knowledge of relativity but I'm pretty sure we can't subject the poor man to time dilation, possibly.

 

 

 

History as Horse Trading.

 Rewriting History 101

An interesting story from the Grauniad - link 

We offer as part of our Buddhist Pizza Editorial Services the following:-

Gerald Cohen was a central asian businessperson who was renown for his horsepersonship and the wide reach of his network of sales representatives. He ranged far and wide from his home in a humble yurt, named after his nana, Magnolia,  building one of the first worker collectives in history.  Those who traded with him claimed that, though he drove a hard bargain, he was always firm but fair.
CPPRC

 To turn to sweeter thoughts have you ever run across the Be Good Tanya's? Link 

(No I have to admit I have not. I believe I am a more careful driver than yourself ...Ed) 

Beep Beep

Lost in Translation No 92 in a Series.

 I may have mentioned Talking Politics before. Link 

The latest edition, 279 One-Term Presidents, contains a number of interesting ideas and discussion points together with a rare moment of levity in the post match analysis of 'Two nearly bald men fighting over a comb' contest. Apparently the Japanese Broadcaster had real difficulty with the translation of the proceedings as at many points 3 people were talking at once. So a fairly difficult time was had by all, especially with the rendition of the word 'Shitshow', used by commentators on mainstream US TV, into polite Japanese. 

(I hope we would never use language like that on this Blogg. Are you sure it should not be in quotes and italics behind  parenthetical disinfections with suitably placed asterisks...Ed?)

Absolutely!

HT to Memex 1.1 for this little gem, a real autumnal joy. 

As the man said Mother Nature spilled her box of crayons.

 

Two Nearly Bald Men Fighting Over A Comb

 If you want to take your mind off things then sometimes you just have to get up and dance. Link

And when he is in the mood Liam Og O'Flynn is your man. Besides who could resist the title -The Drunken Landlady! (Nice day for it. Might I suggest that there is more to our present troubles  than peluquery and terpsichory. Maybe peace, justice, and the well being of nations play a part? ...Ed!)

Shut up and dance!

So if you wanted to start a fight in an empty hall?

I was in the smallest room in the house contemplating BJ's rearrangement of the wheelchairs on the deck of the Titanic when a thought hit me. Why, in the name of all that is good and holy would you sack Julian Smith from his post in the land of the Jaffas and hand it over to that eejit Brandon Lewis. It is alleged that BJ has been heard to mutter, under his breath, f*** the Irish. I have heard many of my country persons express similar views with a range of expletives of greater or lesser obscenity and forcefulness. When I discussed the matter with an acquaintance who I expected to favour the Union he stated that he would be glad to see the back of the red hand.
Of course! Slaps head in theatrical gesture. Pull a fig leaf of democracy over the nether parts of the six counties and you have shot of the whole bally business. A quick border poll. No more whingeing Taigs,  no more grasping Jaffas saying no, no, no, did we say no yet? So you did. And payback time for the peas processed  in the dogs BREXIT. Sorted, done and dusted, dead in the ditch!  I imagine DC would be drooling down his Jilly Jones in delight. His frappuccino would frappeth over. (Err. Is that not a bit too suggestively graphic...Ed?) Anyroads, if you ever needed someone  with size 13s to kick his way through the shamrock unknowing his Essex arse from his Tory elbow Brandon is your man.
So a word to the wise. If Arlene and Mary Lou could find a way to work together on this one it could run and run. Just think of the fun that they could have. Squeezing the likes of Brandon, BJ and DC until their squips peaked!

It's Gota Be Goats

Marina Hyde Nails it again!
Goats, The Government of all the Talentless!

Suella Braverman is mesmerically dim... suggesting that she could not only be outperformed at the dispatch box but that she could  be outperformed by the dispatch box. Or indeed any other item of furniture in the Palace of Westminster. 

A bit ad feminem, but still, nice one Marina!

And for those of you that require visual aids can I recommend a fella who appeared previously in this blog goat link.

(Will he be asking for repeat fees, or PHWhat... Ed!)

That was a rather fine goat curry we enjoyed last night. Thank the lord that we have not been infected by any of this veganitry!

Winter of Discontinence

Well Then!
Keith's Mum said why don't we all go out and Sell them a Tory, or it could have been Tell them a Story.

Who can explain, for example, what goes on in what might loosely be called Boris Johnson’s mind?

A direct quote from John Naughton In Th'Observer. May not be original of course but caused quite a chuckle. ( See To err is human – is that why we fear machines that can be made to err less? Today)
A wintry little scene below to cheer us up.

To the Urns Chapter 99

I'm shaken by hard evidence that my family, my own brood, my kin, even, possibly, my kith, are participating in a vile traduction of our leader, our great helms person, the sun in our ...(Jaysus are you back on that old thing again... Ed)
I am talking about something which is vital for this nation Which nation...Ed?)
Our sense of decorum in defeat, you eejit. The intervention of this facebooky, twittery, whats uppy, socialistic media thingy, in our sacred duty to elect her majesty's government of all the twatts (GOATTS)
Recently I had a whatsupity thingy showing BJ in an England Rugby Shirt saying that he has been a great fan of the game ever since he saw Garry Lineker score a century at Wimbledon.
Did you hear Nick Clegg has taken a job with Mark Zuckerberg?
There's me bus.
Choir practice tonight.

Buckets and Books and Urns.

A villager confessed to me recently, on his election at the local urns,  that it was one of the things that he could now tick off on his Bucket List.  I'm not sure that I have ever had such a thing but if I did it is now, much reduced, to a Book List. Living the dream one book at a time.

To my eternal shame it is the first time I have ever voted for the blue corner. It did contribute to preventing the black shorts getting in. My reasoning was that politics is the art of the possible and it is possible to vote against. The English are not very good at doing that.
It seems we are going to miss the opportunity to obtain a postal vote in the forthcoming Europole because the  local Gauleiters have bollixed getting the postal vote out in reasonable time! And now for something completely different:-

A calming little picture!

Lying on Duty

Mother of God!
As the Grauniad so clearly has it today...
Quote of the week

“No one wants to lie, but part of our duty is to uphold public trust and sometimes that means having a non-exclusive relationship with the truth.”

Gill Bigelow (she of the razor sharp stiletto heels and rather vague moral compass) demonstrates a duplicity that could put even current politicians to shame.
Line of Duty 28/4/19

Erskine May and then he may not.

It may not be helpful but has anyone noticed the similarity between the family name of our leading parliamentary strategician (of the 19th century... Ed!) and our own dear PM? The sun in our hearts, our great leader, our great helmsperson, the sun in ou... (Get on with it if you would I have a dentist to see in about 2 hours...Ed.) Would that involve a procedure known as a brexit?
To return to the matter in hand. Could our present difficulties be a rave from the grave? Could the ghost of Erskine be returning to haunt Tess the vacuous? Some family feud unresolved over the years? (Jaysus!What, in the name of all that is good and holy, have you been smoking? That is her hubby's name. She was born a Brasier...Ed) Ah so that's what is smoking. You can't get any decent  coke for the old brassier anymore! Maybe it's a malfunction in her AI that has got us here, but anyroads,Tess I think the best plan is the oldest excuse in the school yard. A big boy did it and ran away!

Speakers' Wives

What japes! Mr Speaker Bercow intervenes in a long and sorry saga. By their wives' bumper stickers ye shall know them - the eyes to the right the nose to the left.

The Look of Unlove

I don't often comment on this Brexit Business and the fools, gombeen men and cunctators that have got us to this pretty pass. As the vote went down like a rat sandwich last night we were there, in spirit, listening to the wireless thingy that has  pictures... (Not listening to the Archers then? Missed a cracker...Ed.)
The pictures that emerged afterwards of the 'bloody difficult woman' gently weeping into the back of the Jag brought forth the memory of a comment by a wise colleague at the political demise of a previous female PM. To the statement  "Lord how she has suffered!" he replied "Yes. But not nearly enough!" However, paranoia took over. Do they want to get rid of her? Yes. If they do we are at least in for a very bumpy ride. The legacy of Article 50 without a deal is the quickest way down. Jump!
And with one bound they were free and heading south under the influence of gravity.

And now for something completely different a goat, a goat!
(Is that a Government Of All the ... Ed?)
Time for some T I think, perky, fair trade, organic, reviving and uplifting T.

Early Morning Guardianing

Ariel Dorfman hits the nail on the head with opinions about Roma, Alfonso Cuaron's film, in the Grauniad. ( have you ever noted that Roma is Amor in reverse, I thought being a Crosswordy type you would have that spotted right away...Ed?) No, I had not and if you don't get out of those PJs I will have a few cross words to say; half the morning has gone already.

Also the Guardian suggests  an idea that 'Little Matty' should be pursuing with some vigour in relation to the high cost of medication that holds users to ransom  -

... parents and the medicines group Just Treatment are urging the government to invoke “crown use”, allowing it to make cheap versions and pay Vertex a smaller sum in compensation. This would be very unusual, but not unprecedented. The principle that intellectual property rules cannot automatically outweigh health considerations is well established, and not only in public opinion; it is recognised in the WTO’s Doha declaration of 2001.

Good games on Saturday but...
And now a word from our sponsors:-
When forwards back and centres drift three quarters kick the can.
The day will end as best it must. A pint of plain is your only man!

(Do we get paid for that sort of thing and are we not at danger of being pursued by the Literary Executors of Himself...Ed?)
Imitation is the greatest form of flattery and don't talk to me about money when you are sat there half dressed at this time of the morning. Casual dress for home workers is one thing but crimes of fashion are another!

Reflections on a Dead Parrot.

This Brexit is dead. It is deceased. It has passed on. It is no more .....
Sadly as we all know the Norwegian Blue Brexit is just resting - it is tired. The fact that it is nailed to the perch with a six inch nail has got nothing to do with anything.

I quote...

"Specifically, if you look at this map of Norway you will see the areas I have diligently coloured in blue. They are the locations where, if you search carefully enough, you will see many examples of the resting Blue Brexit. "  T. May (Head Girl, aged 13)

Olympic Events

Note for future administrators.
New Sports - Kicking the Can down the road.
An  Illustration May be helpful.

Who do you think you're kidding Mr Junker?

I accused someone the other day, inappropriately, and I thought in good humour, of being a Trot.
I was maundering through the Talking Politics website trying out the new search facility when I came across this,  the only item available -Sold Out- Did I laugh? Does the pope s*i* in the woods? Then I 'caught myself on'. Who's the Trot now? (???... Ed.)

God, I thought I could be obscure and no you can't have a sub (see previous post). Austerity has not gone away, yet. However, Talking Politics seems to be here to stay and  does provide information, opinion and a few laughs, intended or otherwise. Get it while it is good and hot!

Horses for Courses

And a very good morning to yourself. I'm assuming we will pass over the flying visit by Frankie, as an appropriate subject for discussion.
Frankie goes to Holy Wood, in fact.
Oh oh. Smart boy wanted! No I was thinking how the blessed Tess performed in the dancing department recently.
Well I think there is no doubt that the degree in colouring in was useful discovering Africa as a place for an activity holiday.
Brutal, have you no compassion for the woman at all? She may be facing a run off with that animal Boorish Johnstown!
Not in those heels, she won't.
Our bank holiday seemed to revolve around horses of a different stripe!
Are you sure they weren't zebras?
No I'm sure it's spots before the old eyes not stripes since you ask! Rather, we watched some fine fillies and some fillies in their finery on Saturday at Euston ( the Hall, that is, not the station) and on Sunday we were greeted by a performance from the massed bands of the Knettishall ponies. A pictorial comparison will suffice no doubt.

Smart phone wanted? I never had you down as a silver techie. It seems I was mistaken. There's my bus, I'll be off then.