So if you wanted to start a fight in an empty hall?

I was in the smallest room in the house contemplating BJ's rearrangement of the wheelchairs on the deck of the Titanic when a thought hit me. Why, in the name of all that is good and holy would you sack Julian Smith from his post in the land of the Jaffas and hand it over to that eejit Brandon Lewis. It is alleged that BJ has been heard to mutter, under his breath, f*** the Irish. I have heard many of my country persons express similar views with a range of expletives of greater or lesser obscenity and forcefulness. When I discussed the matter with an acquaintance who I expected to favour the Union he stated that he would be glad to see the back of the red hand.
Of course! Slaps head in theatrical gesture. Pull a fig leaf of democracy over the nether parts of the six counties and you have shot of the whole bally business. A quick border poll. No more whingeing Taigs,  no more grasping Jaffas saying no, no, no, did we say no yet? So you did. And payback time for the peas processed  in the dogs BREXIT. Sorted, done and dusted, dead in the ditch!  I imagine DC would be drooling down his Jilly Jones in delight. His frappuccino would frappeth over. (Err. Is that not a bit too suggestively graphic...Ed?) Anyroads, if you ever needed someone  with size 13s to kick his way through the shamrock unknowing his Essex arse from his Tory elbow Brandon is your man.
So a word to the wise. If Arlene and Mary Lou could find a way to work together on this one it could run and run. Just think of the fun that they could have. Squeezing the likes of Brandon, BJ and DC until their squips peaked!