Wolves in sheep’s clothing?

I remember Edinburgh in the 70’s. (OK that’s the 1970’s.) We had a little environmental thing going, not too deep green, just hugging whales and trying to preserve the bits of the planet that we hadn’t messed up with our fag ends and whisky bottles. There was one guy who was kinked out of his mind on wolves! I’m not sure he hadn’t been frolicking with the beasts in the wilds of somewhere, howling at the moon. He seemed fairly harmless. We let him have his exhibition and I’ve lost the posters. I’ve felt ever since that wolves have had a bad press. That image, thinner than was fashionable, rangy, lolling tongue and sardonic smile (if you’ll pardon the anthropomorphism) has stayed with me.

If we believe the FT Magazine 15/3/08 and the review by Donald Morrison, wolf worship is about to sweep the west, prior to the Beijing Olympics!

Wollf Totem by Jiang Rong, translated by Howard Goldblatt, is an award winning piece of Chinese fiction, a tale-within-a-tale of wolves and nomadic herders set in Inner Mongolia.

All good stuff with a poke in the eye for the old Han!

You Chinese have the courage of sheep, who survive by foraging grass.

We Mongols are meat eating wolves, and you could use a bit of wolf courage.

Nice one.

So! All you PLA chaps out there in Tibet, set to and show a bit of woofly courage. No holding back now! Box the trouble making vandals and antisocial elements about the ears until they know what’s what.

Be careful though! The Dalai Lama’s clique might tag your tanks while you're at it!

Legacy Polishing

An office somewhere in Los Angeles. Two men in grey suits are discussing casting a film.

So. I see Tom Hanks as the best bet for Martin. He is the man! A session with the voice coach, what’s her name, Roisin, Rose Roslyn? Anyway, give him the ginger rinse and the curlers and he is the man!

What about Jerry?

Gerry you mean, well, it’s got to be Tommy.

Hell no! That Texan; never cut it in the Bogside.

Who gives a f**k about the Bogside we’re thinking about Boston.What’s Senator Ted gonna say if we have some shit kicking britisher that no one can understant. This is a huge part, emotionally, intellectually, philosophically and fiscally.

OK!

You know we are just playing around the big one.

Yea I know!

So. You show me yours and I’ll show you mine?

I’d go for Gandolfino. He’s big, he’s irrational, he scares the sh*t out of everyone and ….

He’s a godamn f**k**g catholic. Are you trying to get me tarred and feathered?

Ian’s mellowed. His wife is a Baroness for god’s sake, they’re practically Ulster Royalty. You never heard the Act of Emaciation?

I don’t think so. I know you want Javier Bardem for Thatcher, that’s gotta be real inspired with the hair an’ all, and Meryl Streep for Blair, she’s got the cojones. Do you see any kind of kinky action here?

We are getting away from it. This could be big and I could live with that but you have to go with me for this one.

Hit me!

I think Forest Whitaker is the peach!

Yeah, and the title?

The Abominable No Man!