Times hard even Santa gets the sack!

I'm sorry about this but you don't have to read it.

The Grauniad came up with a cracker of a headline:-

Lap lands Selfridges Santa with sack despite elf warning

The explanation:-

A Santa Claus was sacked after asking his visitors if they wanted to sit on his lap, despite warnings about his behaviour from his helper elf, it emerged today.

I know exactly how he feels I have often been let down by my own 'ealth.
Boom! Boom!

As for the Lap dancing; once those Sammi start to tango you are lost!
Boom! Boom!

OK I'll stop now.