The Last Person to Leave

I'll get this in first. There are bound to be lots of bad jokes about light bulbs when we get there.

I am grateful for the thought to A Brown esq. and The Major, of course.

Two Soldiers squat in a shelter somewhere on an airfield in the south of Iraq. The heat is ferocious and the dust and detritus of war so thick in the air it precludes thought let alone vision. Smartarsed bastard in the squad called it the fall out from munitions of depleted humanity.

"Sarge, can we no leg it tae the ramp and get in the transport?"

"No private McCavity, we are going to wait for the signal that the ramp is clear of shite so that we are not left out in the cold waiting for some godless bastard to blow our arses off."

"Don't worry son, were going home. No one wants to be the last poor fucker to die for a mistake."

"Aye well."

"Did I ever tell you about the Major?"

"You mean Major Wales, Sarge?"

"No you bampot. The Major. The man who ran the flag down in Palestine and was the last one out alive."

"Is that like, Gaza?"

"The Major retired from the British Army and was supplementing his pension running a student union on the banks of the Forth when I met him."

"He told us this and while he could tell a good story, I have no reason to doubt it."

"He was part of the last group out. There he was lowering the old onion jack for the final time in the middle of some god forsaken part of a newly abandoned Palestine."

"Being somewhat preoccupied, the cunning old bastard had not fully appreciated his position. During the descent of the flag he realised that he was the last squaddie on the ground and there was a superior number of the chosen few out there who would nail his sorry ass."

"He described his exit in words involving shite and a shovel. He had us in tears, but I think it was tight enough."

"Is this you trying tae take my mind off it Sarge."

"Aye son, just think of me as your fucking mother."

"Thanks Sarge but I'll give the goodnight kiss a miss, your no ma type!"

"No probs. McCavity."

They receive the signal to go. They start up, heading for the ramp.

Each is thinking of the Major and his jolly jape when an explosion rips the vehicle apart.

It was the tenth time that McCavity had been fired on in Iraq.