The Luck of the Spanish!

I returned from a trip to the square mile of capitalism on Thursday. I had been learning how to be a better moneylender (in the nicest possible way of course) There on my doormat was a letter from Spain with my footprint on it. Imagine my delight to discover that I had been approved "for a lump payout of 615,810 euros". I had won the "euromillones loteria".
Joy was replaced by amazement on two counts. In the first place A is the one in our house who dices with probabilities, we jokingly refer to it as her pension fund. I have never knowingly, when sober, bought a Spanish Lottery ticket. Secondly, despite my Celtic origins I am an underachiever in the luck department. I am not complaining I am fortunate, very fortunate indeed, it is just that I think I have only ever won two things. One was a sherry decanter set with hunters and hounds etched on its pink glass. This went down well in our TT, non hunting household, but as it was one of my few achievements at infants school it was displayed prominantly in our living room. The second prize I am inordinately proud of. Doing the Guardian prize crossword has become a habit and knocking them off and faxing the solutions in is just a part of life. I was really amazed and happy to receive, unexpectedly, a copy of a decent dictionary. This was my reward for cracking a puzzle by the late, much loved by me anyway, Bunthorne. My general lack of confidence niggles away even now that (because Bunthorne was definitely regarded as a bugger among setters in the sloving fraternity) not many people had bothered that week.
But to get back to my win! Luis Alberto, Vice Presidente, for it was he, advised me that my name had been selected from thousands across five continents. All I had to do to claim my prize was to fax my details, including my bank details, to Don Pedro. Don Pedro is the Foreign Operations Manager ( Does he do broken legs and facial reconstruction?) of Vergino Europia Security company, alegedly! He is willing, I am led to believe, to smooth the way to my boodle for a mere 10%. Now let's see that would leave me with 554,229 euros and you can keep the change Don Pedro! I have to admit, replace the car, make a contribution to A's pension fund, start some cul-de-sac Rochdalist madcap enterprize. Nah, I tell you what, in the unlikely event that you are reading this Don Luis and Don Pedro here's what we will do.

I herebye renounce all title and claim to the 554,229 euros in favour of the following:
Amnesty International - 100,000 euros;
Oxfam - 100,000 euros;
Medical Foundation for the care of Victims of Torture -100,000 euros;
Medical Aid for Palistinians - 100,000 euros;
Grameen Bank - 100,000 euros;
fair finance - 50,000 euros;
Suffolk Librarians - 4,000 euros;
Dick Cheney - 229 euros on the strict condition that he has to purchase and wear a bright orange jump suit , a set of ear defenders and lace trimmed black blindfold, handcuffs and shackles, so that he can explore his inner self. It will help fill the time between now and 2008.

So! Sorry about that last one Don Luis and Don Pedro.
Hasta la pasta!