Pardon!

The sale of indulgences.
There is a living to be made as a modern Pardoner!
For people fasting, on diets or otherwise denying themselves the sins of the flesh and chocolate, I am offering a very valuable service. At the payment of serious cash money I and a dedicated band of professional staff will take on the burden of your indulgence .
An example.
Your fast, diet, whatever, requires you to restrict your intake of the good stuff to 500 calories and change. You are assailed, as we all are from time to time, by the overwhelming desire  to eat a chunk of chocolate, cream cake, chips and pizza with double mayo, whatever your avoir du poison... you get my drift. Maybe you are committed, maybe you are of steadfast character, maybe you have the will power of a deaf, blind and dumb donkey with no sense of smell, or maybe you are like the rest of us. OK,  so  now you are 2000 calories down the guggle and the guilt is going to kill you. The only thing to do is reach for the next 2000 calories to assuage you poor battered soul which is wracked, wracked I tell you with the guilt.
Fear not the Pardoning Services of Buddhist Pizza Pardons (BPP Inc.) are available - special rates can be offered to regular consumers.
For the payment of a  paltry sum, say 1p a calorie, we will guarantee to take on our broad shoulders (and backsides...Ed)
the results of your overindulgence. An indulgence for an indulgence as it were! (Oh very good, very good. I'm beginning to like the drift of your jib...Ed)
Disclaimer.
The calories remain, of course, but the guilt, the guilt is not yours. It heads for the wide blue yonder, born aloft by the prayers, sutras, mortifications  and good work of the tireless Pardoners of BPP. 

Payment by cheque made out to BPP Inc Charity no 666 registered in the Cayenne Islands if you please, I thank you.

(Now about that sub I was asking for. It seems like there might be funds soon. I can't get to sleep at night for the moaning of the poor hungry wains...Ed)
Are they 12 year old or 18 year old  single malt wains ?