Speech Day at St Columba's Academy

The strains of the School Song echo over the pa system as Headmaster Broon approaches the podium. The words resound in the mind of every person in the Assembly Hall.

The staff, old boys and guests sing–

Sacred the trust that has been placed in thee

The boys, hum(the dirty wee buggers) and sing the words –

Sacred the crust that has been dipped in tea

But quietly!

Broon, newly released from the hospital for rhetorical diseases, rallies the assembly with a speech

Predecessors – tribute - one school under…

There will be

A tuck shops market

Deep cleaning of the sick bay

Every boy will be able to see the prefect of his choice…

It is a privilege to serve this school….

I will stand up for this school…

I will stand up for education…

I will stand up for Jesus…

I will stand up for you!

A lone voice, Salmo Salmar Senior, shouts from the back;

Sit doon the bugger at the back cannae see!