Sense and Sensibility

Dear god,
What have you been putting in his tea? Old Simon in the Grauniad has come up with a few suggestions!

I tell you what. Whatever it is could we have some? Say a few thousand barrels?

Anyone for tea? Vicar, there you are!

Toodle pip.

New Year Resolution

I seem to remember in the fog of the festive inbox a wee email from Little Matty HandCock, our esteemed representative in the Parliament of Nations. It suggested that at this time of year we may wish to or indeed be going to contact those who are no longer with us! No, not those who have shuffled off the old mortals, (we leave Gerry and his mandering to other parts of the Kingdom) though indeed there are many, but those who have left for other (warmer, more tax efficient?) climes? We might, entirely properly, send them season's greeting and a reminder that they may, if so eligible and inclined, register to vote in the general election.
Why so, I ask myself? Little Matty scored over 24k votes against his nearest and dearest cocoalitionist LibDom at just over 15k votes. Labouring in at 7k the socialist alternative did not represent a major threat. Still Little Matty is, I am sure, a belt, braces and rustically applied piece of string covered discretely by a bacon and egg tie sort of chap. No harm in increasing the size of one's er, majority for preferment in the forthcoming Conservative Government of all the Talents (ConGoats!)

Could it be concern for the forces of Mr Fromage and the Ukickers? If so, he may find that many who have left would be more than willing to throw us to the wolves. All very complicated.

As usual, Mr Naughton has a few perceptive words at his blog based on Th'Observer column.

Could it be that the interweb will play a significant  part in the Action at the Urns to come.
Just remember that many, though not all,  politicians will be muttering under their breath...
it's a lie but what the hell it's election year... as they go on the stump!

(Very, very cynical if you don't mind me saying so. It undermines our belief in democracy, the rights of man, and woman and...Ed)

...continued in UN Resolution No. 94.

A Dog, A Drum, A Kick up the...

Hope y'all had a good one. A good time with the family oop north was enhanced by the realisation that the younguns have little regard for established hacks. As for that nice Mr Fromage, well we had a good larf about him too. 
All I want for xmas is an app, but what an app...!

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.fongames.ukick

Greetings

Remember?
In cyberspace only the algorithms can hear you scream.

Thanks to all those that have given us such a laugh this year!
B O'B, KJ-U, Mr Murphy and the wasted eggs, Mr E M and his penchant for bacon butties.
Mr G O. Go Gideon for screwing the, the economy, mainly.....

Christmas Caption Competition

I stumbled on this post in Memex 1.1. If my eyes and the camera do not deceive me, and they often do, they show our own royal Big Ears and his goodladywifethesecond having a sort of royal chortle!

The challenge for this year is to provide a caption suitable to the gravity and solemnity of the occasion.

Please do not lower the tone of this blog by inserting words such as t*dger, jo*nson, will*e or even coc* and think you will get away with it. Our eagle eyed, ever vigilant, editor will be on your case like a rat up a drainpipe. I said our eagle... (I heard you the first time for god's sake. I was up half the night with the bairns...Ed)

Would that be the single malt, 32 year old Bairns by the way? (They have grown  in the last few years I have to admit. Now do you think we could discuss, quietly over a cup of tea, a small cost of living increase in my remuneration.. Ed? As Jimmy Cameron once remarked the cost of living has increased to the equivalent of  £45 a bottle!)

The best, and printable caption will appear in this blog in  the new year.

He said, fearlessly, steadfastly, in the teeth of fierce opposition from the estab (... Jaysus I'm off to my bed before this gets any worse and the big boys come and kick the door in ...Ed)

Do blogs have doors? Possibly they have back doors!

Many thanks to JN for a bit of light  and some fun in a dark world this year!

Tinkers

And another...

If

 'ifs and ands were pots and pans there'd be no work for tinkers'

An article about hacking and it occurred to me that we needed another word for the people who carry it out. That is the good stuff persons who fix things and make things and do not set out to rob you, or otherwise injure you or deprive you of your private life etc.

How about Tinkers. I know there is a lot of negativity attached but it does have a certain ring to it.

( A fairy ring perhaps.. It'll never catch on... I've seen that look in your eye before... God help us all... Ed)

Out of the mouths..

Nice wee film from the Grauniad/Th'Observer, and not because they are two nice wee lassies!

http://www.theguardian.com/film/2014/dec/14/across-divide-northern-ireland-film

Not quite as simple as that but I look forward to the follow up...

Already, a group from Derry plans to challenge Palestinian and Israeli children to do the equivalent – swap a hijab for a skullcap – at an international schools encounter in Genoa.

Can't Play! Won't Play!

As part of a reading project I read Can't and Won't by Lydia Davies.
You can read what the NYT thinks of it via the link.  Members of the project were asked to read selected books and then write a
crit/review/reasons to like /dislike of between 30 - 200 words and assign a green, amber or red traffic light, amber in my case.
My view, should you be interested, is set out below:-

Maybe I got off on the wrong foot expecting A Story of Stolen Salamis to be about the battle. It was a letdown to realise it was about salamis, or sausages if you will.
How I feel about this book!
I do not like Flaubert.
I have dreams of my own, thank you.
Authors should not require cows to stand in the snow for long periods.
I have a good working relationship with cats. In the main I ignore them.
I enjoy reading letters.
I, too, suffer from over preparation and stage fright.

Trees deserve respect and should only be slaughtered for pulp if absolutely necessary.
Alternatively, electrons are available on prescription from the pharmacy at the hospital for literary diseases!

I mention this because the irritation I felt on reading it was dissipated to some extent by crafting thoughts on it afterwards.
(...crafting is one way of looking at it I suppose. Ed)

Leaves that are green

Tom Sutcliffe, during Start the Week (BBC R4 1/12/14), was discussing evolution and other matters with Jules Pretty, Andreas Wagner,  Ruth Padel  and Chris Stringer. In a casual comment he suggested  "solar panels don't grow on trees" only to catch  himself on, as they say in Belfast, as the panel indulged in collective harrumphing!

 Oh yes they do!

Crafted by Ol' Ma Nature over millions of years!
Other suppliers are available 

What a Sauce!

Seen in a barn while xmas shopping on a very wet Sunday in November while the temperature made its mind up about whether it wanted one digit or two.

Nuff said.

An Awfully Big Theory of Everything

Just booked to see the Imitation Game. Top film about a top secret, even the write ups are hush, hush on the QT!

In answer to an advertisement  Smart Boy Wanted,  placed in Secret Agents Classified, Steven Turing applies for the job. Turing, a wizard, mathematical genius and inventor of the Bombe Surprise shortens the Second World War by an average of ten years. He is played by Alan Fry and his faithful butler Higgs to Wodehousean perfection. The film deals sensitively with Turing's Motor Home Disease, a dreadful affliction which leaves him permanently incarcerated in a purpose built cottage with wheels on the outskirts of Cambridge. The crux of the film comes when Turing and Higgs are summoned to the mansion of the Dowager Hawkwind to discuss Life, the Universe, String Theory and how to get the Dreadfulhun off her lawn at Belchly Abbey... (continued, see Blog 94...)

Support your local Quantum Mechanic!

Coming to a branch near you.

Jim and John explain at Th'Observer

Not only do we have to admire the aggressive,  cheeky little bu**e*rs for what they are but they can do QM on the fly!

Autumnal Thoughts

Tinnitus in old age is just nature's way of ringing bells to no effect!

A Purrfect Day

If my memory serves me right, often it does not, Brenda and Cameron were reported to be purring down the phone to each other recently for some reason or other. Well if you want to read the truth, see it written on the back of a bus...

Possibly they were discussing the zoo at Banham?
Or it could be they were looking ahead to the Urns at Clacton-on-Sea?
(Meoww...Ed)

A lying of pardoners

Chloe Rhodes writes in the Grauniad today on ten of the best collective nouns.
There, nestled amongst the murders, parliaments and unkindnesses is the lying of pardoners.
Because we at BP offer such services our ears were pricked.

Medieval society was dominated by the church, and the ticket to heaven was an unsullied soul. In pursuit of spiritual purity, but largely unable to resist the occasional temptation, the desperate populace turned to "pardoners" to cleanse them of their sins. Pardoners were usually friars or priests who claimed to be in close contact with the pope, whom they said gave them the power to grant absolution. For a fee, naturally. Not surprisingly, the profession attracted a large number of fraudsters armed with fake papal pardons and bogus relics. Records held by the Corporation of the City of London dating back to the 15th century reveal several cases of "lying pardoners" being put in the stocks.

Good to see that the CotCoL records the punishments of such scoundrels. However, should the CotCoL require our services in the future they should not hesitate to contact us immediately! (I hope you are not suggesting in any way that CotCoL would do anything to require shrivings of any magnitude...Ed?)
Not in the least but in today's algorithmic, light speed financial markets it is always possible that software can have unintended consequences. At such pace speeding tickets should always be avoided!

Settled Will

It's over then?
For another year of so
Disappointed?
A wee bit.
Is it the wains?
Aye.
Going to be hard enough.
Aye, Gideon's no goin tae splash the bawbees aboot. No much couters candy either.
I would guess a certain amount of sporran squeezing will be the order of the day and the day after.
Do ye think if we had men the size of Maclean, Maxton and Reid we would have lost?
Aye. Where are they when you need them?
Deed!
Still I thought old Gordy did well.
Undeed!
See you the morra!
All's Weal that ends Weal!
Up to a point Lord Cameron, up to a point!

PurdahTory

Soon be over now chaps just a few more hours until the urns shut up shop.
In the meantime we would not want to be leaving you all in Libo, just to Labover the point.
Think of this as a test card like they used to have on the good old Beeb.

and something for you to read.

The Round House  by Louise Edrich and 5742 Days by Anne-Marie Cockburn.

A wise and thoughtful piece on you know what from the Grauniad on the day Andy Murray tweets allegedly for the proposition.
(Enough! I thought we agreed to say nothing if we can't agree...Ed)

Nothing!

Postcards from Purdah 5

Ever think about where all those shy and retiring animals go? The Yeti, snow leopard etc.
Spotted in Norfolk (Groan...Ed)

Postcards from Purdah 4

I thought I would share two lovely thoughts brought on by reading Helena Attlee's the Land Where Lemons Grow. On p83 she states that mandarins are "easy peelers" no suggestion, of course that the phrase could be used to describe a corrupt policeman! Also an event she claims  reported by Salvatino Bonacorso when Leonardo Sciascia is alleged to have walked out of a city council  meeting in  Palermo announcing that the city was irredeemable.

A fascinating book, hugely enjoyable (All I can say is it doesn't take much...Ed)
Do I detect a hint of bitter lemons or is that chinotto I see you are drinking?

Postcards from Purdah 3

Lynton Crosby, smoked.
Lynton Crispy?

Just a thought!