Mass, Length and Time

I have been measured ( and found wanting... Ed.)
In various medical examinations and investigations I have been asked to provide a measure of my height. I would as a matter of course offer the value of 1.87 metres, give or take a haircut and a pair of good brogues, say 1.88 amongst friends (Not thank god, any business about six foot two, eyes of blue...Ed)

I now know after extensive measurement with the latest laser technology, adjusted for relativistic effects, British Summer Time etc. ( You were put up against a wall in you socks and a plank dobbed on your nut...Ed!)

Ahem. I now stand, corrected, at 1.863m.
I just thought the readers would be interested to know what was going on after a period of silence.
(Pah, a bloody excuse for congenital indolence and stupidity...Ed!)

You know you can be a real snappy bugger when you don't have any of this editing business to do!

All Greek to Me

My Greek isn't up to it but I fondly believe this shows a very tired and overemotional ex Greek PM giving a lift to a very tired and overemotional ex Italian PM after a night of commiseration.

Metaphorically!

Drugs, Sex and Zimmer Frames

So, this is not influenced by my current obsession with the Wire. Yo!

Down at the local dealers (Pharmacy) I was filling my scrip for a variety of chemicals that keep me bobbin' along.
There was a power out. So, it had the Mad Max feel.
The babe in front of me was dealin' for old dudes, allegedly. She kept lookin' round.
OK. So I should fess up not me. The old queen with the zimmer frame was sitin' and moanin' and showin' all the signs of disturbance! The babe collects the scrips and takes the ladee and the zimmer into the parkin lot. I hear the elder take root and raise up to say:-

I don't want to live in a home.

Part of me dies!
The babe says:-

I don't think pharmacists have the power to do that!

Amen sister! I say:-

It's only a matter of time!

We go our ways and I hear that horn.
Down in the hole!

What's in your radio communications spectrum?

A New Scientist Blog references Google's campaign to force the US government to release full details of the US radio communications spectrum. There is a pdf format of the spectrum here.
Very interesting to see how that goes politically and in terms of the effect on technology.

The thing about us British is that we may not understand science but we do like the pretty diagrams, especially if they have lots of lettering on them. Do you remember all those centrefolds from the Eagle comic. Didn't we drool for hours over the cut away versions of battle cruisers and nuclear submarines?

I'm being sad now, aren't I?
I'll stop!

Speech Day at St Columba's Academy

The strains of the School Song echo over the pa system as Headmaster Broon approaches the podium. The words resound in the mind of every person in the Assembly Hall.

The staff, old boys and guests sing–

Sacred the trust that has been placed in thee

The boys, hum(the dirty wee buggers) and sing the words –

Sacred the crust that has been dipped in tea

But quietly!

Broon, newly released from the hospital for rhetorical diseases, rallies the assembly with a speech

Predecessors – tribute - one school under…

There will be

A tuck shops market

Deep cleaning of the sick bay

Every boy will be able to see the prefect of his choice…

It is a privilege to serve this school….

I will stand up for this school…

I will stand up for education…

I will stand up for Jesus…

I will stand up for you!

A lone voice, Salmo Salmar Senior, shouts from the back;

Sit doon the bugger at the back cannae see!

The Game Theory

So our Vic went off on one in the local parish magazine. It might not be obvious from these scratchings but I have no allegiance to any religion or other irrational leanings.

The local parish is a civil construct and it promotes a rag which finds itself delivered into the 300+ homes in the locality. Sadly, or otherwise, the Vic of the established kirk feels the need to deliver his thoughts to the parish (- Parish?) through the rag. The Baptists appear to have abandoned the scene some time ago and the Methodists congregate in the next village.

The Vic, who styles himself as Team Rector, appears

"No too fond of the mongs." as our friends from Leith would say.

That is my opinion of his view of a TV programme about Game Theory and Nash the mathematician.

Nash may have had many problems - these did not, as far as I am aware, affect the quality and value of his work or the fact that however flawed, he shared a common humanity.

If I were paranoid I might think that Rowan has sent out a pastoral letter to suggest that the CoE attack scientists, mathematicians and rationalists to get some purchase against the likes of "Serious Dawkins" and take the heat off the Monty Python flavoured debate about sexuality. That would be absurd, obviously!

I found his article citing "The Game Theory" as much use as mine might be about "The Religion" or "The Christianity".

One approach in "Game Theory" has always struck me as having something for us all to consider in our lives. This is the "Tit For Tat" strategy in the "prisoners' dilemma". As the name suggests, it is a reactive strategy but only after the first move or gesture, which is always the equivalent of the open hand (of peace or co-operation?)

This is not a strategy to win, wipe the board clean, or even take the moral or spiritual high ground and look down, witheringly, on the lesser mortals, infidels or "mongs" below.

It is a way for individuals, groups, and populations to live in equilibrium with each other. I suppose the"Big Yin" would have it as "do as you would be done by" with the rider that if you are done get your retaliation in first!

It avoids the tragedy of the commons in civil society and offers a way to contain and neutralise those that would oppress us. It does not require us to postulate a "relationship with a supreme being" to justify our actions or give value and respect to humanity. It may all seem like enlightened self interest to you Vic. Life, for me anyway, is too short to worry about irrational beliefs.

The Long Snout

Had this idea about the long snout and used it in an email to a colleague. That’s cute I thought. Wow is it original?

As Ogden Nash might have said.

It’s always tempting to impute
Unlikely parentage to 'cute'

Found through the remorseless Google that I was out by about 18 months.

Along with reference to various animals possessed of enormous hooters there, at pride of place, was the The Long Snout from O’Reilly himself, identifying the proud father:-

Chris Anderson famously named the long tail-- the idea that in the internet era, success belongs to companies that can address the end of the demand curve that is populated by millions of low-volume products, rather than a small number of high-volume products. Last year, noodling on the long tail concept, Rael Dornfest somewhat waggishly pointed out that there's an analogous phenomenon on the front end of product creation, which he called "the long snout."

Interesting word that, noodling!

Alas
In the age of instant communication
he who hesitates
is a man with a great future
behind him!

Not so much bleeding edge, more….. Now where did I put my glasses.

Blogging Crease

You know how you fall into conversation on trains. We had said god knows what anyone makes of our discussions. Earwigging on a journey recently I was captured by the idea of the blogging crease and the angle of tilt of the laptop.

We had joined a train south. It was crowded and I had completely failed to establish it was going in the right direction. I wanted to say is this the train to Peterborough. I could only form the words for is this the train to Penzance! Needless to say I remained mute!

Having found seats, I was staring out of the window purposefully and listening to the man next to me. He was bemoaning the fact, to his mobile phone, that he was in the middle of a messy divorce and that he had been made redundant. The man opposite was bemoaning the fact that he had had to take an employee out to lunch who he had made redundant, while discussing another employee who he had not been able to make redundant because he had a sick note. Both were using phones and typing away furiously. There was an unequal sharing of the space of the table between them given they were using similar laptops. Immediately I saw the need for a blogging crease down the middle of the table. Then I realised that would not be enough and that the angle of tilt of the laptop screen would be crucial and that one contestant/traveler would be able to sneak an advantage by tilting their screen forward!
Ah but if trains had men in long white coats festooned with pullovers and sunglasses with floppy white hats they could adjudicate and sell tea and cakes at the same time.

Banana Straits and Level Seas

OK! Jokes about bananas aside, there was a recent story in the Grauniad to suggest that EC regulation may not be all bad.

It seems clear to me, when sober anyway, that the way to a calm sea and a prosperous voyage is to start at sea level.

The bloody Belgians and nasty Netherlanders could not agree.

Inspire (www.ec-gis.org/inspire/), a European directive, seeks to end the situation in which neighbouring countries cannot make plans to deal with common issues because their national geographical databases do not line up. These differences can be as basic as the height of sea level. For example, notes Dr Max Craglia of the European commission's joint research centre in Ispra, Italy, there is a two-metre difference between Belgium and the Netherlands in the official height of low tide - essential data for flood prevention.

Michael Cross, Thursday July 27, 2006, makes the point that, of course, the perfidious Brits are trying to kill this at birth!

Obviously what the Brits want is a measure of compromise and the bloody Belgians have to drop the height of low tide by 1 metre and the nasty Netherlanders have to raise their sights and sea level by 1 metre; or make that 39.37 inches if you would.

I see the Commissioner for Sea Level in the distance festooned by white pullovers, hats and wrap around sun glasses, crying -
"Over"!

Is it time for tea already?